Strong Willed Child – 12 Tips To Raising A Feisty Child
Looking for the secret to raising a strong willed child? Here are 12 tips to raising feisty kids with ease (starting today!)
Let’s chat about raising a strong willed child.
I’m so excited to be writing about this topic today as I have raised not one but two strong-willed children as a mom.
Even though – drum roll please…. I was not a strong-willed child myself.
Instead, I was timid and shy and did everything my parents asked of me (yes seriously).
So, here’s the thing: your strong-willed child has many personality traits that will help them to succeed once they reach adulthood.
I know they may seem frustrating to you right now but be willing to see them as a gift.
Until then, you have to figure out how to parent your kids without losing your patience or peace of mind.
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Studies show that strong willed children tend to get higher grades and earn more money. They also excel at standing up for their beliefs and advocating for themselves.
So, hopefully that will provide some comfort while you’re dealing with their less attractive habits, like defiance and temper tantrums.
We all recognize a strong-willed child, I’m sure.
The strong-willed child is determined to get their way and willing to fight for as long as it takes.
Help your child reach their potential by preparing yourself to overcome the challenges along the way.
Here are some suggestions for raising a willful child.
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Helping Your Child to Deal with Frustration
The tenacity that drives your child to persevere can also make it difficult for them to tolerate disappointments.
Teaching them to deal with frustration will help them to handle anger and other emotions appropriately.
Use these techniques to help them manage their frustrations:
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TIP # 1 – Validate their feelings.
Listen to your child and support them even when you disagree with their choices.
Every child in this world just wants to be loved, understood and appreciated.
Let them know that their feelings and opinions matter.
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TIP # 2 – Be consistent.
State your expectations and the consequences for violating them.
It may be tempting to give in in order to stop a tantrum.
But stay strong!
Long term progress depends on standing firm.
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TIP # 3 – Communicate clearly.
Use specific language your child will understand.
For example, instead of asking them to be polite, ask them to let others speak without interrupting them.
Be really clear and express your requests in a way that it is also clear to them.
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TIP # 4 – Offer choices.
Your child is more likely to follow your rules if you give them some input in the process.
Let them decide which homework assignment to tackle first.
Let them decide which clothes they should wear.
You can of course limit their choices to the top two picks but making the ultimate decision will help them take ownership of that task or decision.
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TIP # 5 – Step back.
Experience is a powerful teacher.
Your child may want your help when they run into trouble but dealing with the fallout from their decisions will be more enriching.
Life has a way of something being the best teacher.
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TIP # 6 – Channel their energy.
Encourage your child to apply their gifts to constructive activities like physical exercise, creative hobbies, and volunteer work.
It’s especially important for them to help others so they balance their determination with respect and consideration.
Protecting Your Relationship with Your Child
How can you be firm about unacceptable behavior and still be gentle with your child?
Remember that discipline is more about teaching than punishment.
You don’t want them to feel resentful as a result of their punishment but to instead learn something from that experience so that they aren’t in a rush to repeat them again.
Try these strategies:
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TIP # 7 – Provide positive reinforcement.
Keep a list of things you love about your child.
I know that sounds weird but in the heat of the moment it can be really tempting to just focus on their negative qualities.
You want to keep these positive strengths and qualities in the forefront of your mind.
Remember to reward your child for good behavior such as taking turns and following directions.
All in all, you need to actively catch them being good as opposed to always being on high alert for the naughty stuff.
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TIP # 8 – Stay calm.
Control your own emotions.
It’s hard to expect your child to stay calm when you can’t do the same.
Avoid speaking in anger or making generalizations like: you always do this or you are always this way….
Take a deep breath and walk around the block if you need to cool down.
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TIP # 9 – Hang out.
Spend time with your child.
They will honestly appreciate it.
You can also plan one-on-one outings and organize some date nights together.
Get to know your child by engaging in meaningful discussions and enjoyable pastimes.
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TIP # 10 – Set priorities.
If you sometimes feel exhausted, budget your resources so you can teach the most essential lessons to your kids.
We really can’t do it all but it is important to make sure our priorities are clear to our kids.
Crossing the street safely is obviously more important than wearing matching socks.
Maybe speaking respectfully to you is more important than them making the bed. You get to decide.
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TIP # 11 – Start early.
Did you breathe a sigh of relief when you survived the Terrible Twos?
Keep in mind that it’s natural for adolescents to challenge authority and the risks often become more serious as children grow older.
As I was told when my kids were still young: little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.
I know that isn’t really reassuring to hear but early training in honest communication and delayed gratification will eventually pay off.
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TIP # 12 – Consider counseling.
Wise parents know when to ask for help and honestly, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.
Strong willed children may experience a variety of conduct disorders that can be treated with behavior modification therapies if necessary so don’t be afraid to look into it more if you are seriously concerned.
All in all, it takes a lot love and consistency to parent a strong-willed child.
You may have this thought that they are hard work but in all honestly, they have so many great skills to be admired.
Confidence, the courage to stand up for what you believe in, stubbornness, resilience – these are all things parents often wish for in their kids.
So do you best to realize how lucky you really are.
In return, you’ll be rewarded with a close relationship and the satisfaction of knowing you raised a leader who can make a positive difference in the world.
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.