Kids With Attitude – 10 Ways To Cope As A Mom
Coping with kids with attitude? Here are the best 10 tips for moms on how to survive these crappy attitude years.
Let’s chat about kids with attitude.
If you were to ask a random person “What’s the toughest stage for a mother?” you might imagine that they would say THE NEWBORN STAGE – because hey, that was tough staying up all night with a crying infant.
Or maybe they would say THE TODDLER STAGE because once again, the terrible threes and chasing after a rambunctious toddler can also be a difficult stage for most moms.
However, drumroll please: according to a recent study, middle school blues actually cause moms the most stress.
Researchers at Arizona State University found that mothers of middle schoolers experience more stress and less wellbeing than parents of younger or older children.
I believe there are different reasons for this.
For me, I absolutely loved raising babies and toddlers and little kids so it was hard for me to watch my gorgeous kids start high school and not need me so much.
I just missed those early days where they would cuddle so much and loved staying close to your side (who would have thought!).
I was not at all prepared for the MOODINESS and mood swings that come with the teenage years!
If you yourself have a tween with attitude, try out these tips for making parenting a little easier while stuck between those cute elementary years and a happy adult.
Dealing with Your Tween’s Growing Independence
Deep breath and I promise the whole world won’t fall apart now that your child no longer thinks you are the center of their universe.
It’s natural if a child who used to laugh at your jokes now wants to sulk in her room or squabble with his siblings.
It may not be fun but it is definitely NORMAL.
Help your tween deal with the dramatic physical and emotional changes they’re going through by not reacting and going crazy. Instead, responding with love and understanding.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
1 – Start early.
I think it’s important to prepare your kids for puberty and other changes.
Listen to their concerns they may have about their changing bodies and answer their questions with age-appropriate information.
You can watch movies together that will give you an opportunity to discuss bullying, peer pressure, and other issues.
Keep the conversation flowing and the communication lines open.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
2 – Set limits.
Tweens are bound to be moody (sorry wish it wasn’t the case but it’s definitely true!).
Thankfully you can help them deal with anger constructively.
They can sulk if they want but that doesn’t mean they have permission to be rude or mean to others.
Be a positive role model.
This starts by you NOT REACTING to their moodiness with moodiness of your own. How can you show up with love and kindness instead – YES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE BEING TOTAL MOODY RATBAGS.
Let kids know that it’s okay to take time to cool off, but violent outbursts are out of bounds.
Simply not acceptable.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
3 – Provide reasons.
Soon you will face a situation with your middle schooler where they will want to do something that you don’t agree with.
In fact, your answer will be NO.
Be prepared for a bit of backlash but even still, it is important for you to remain strong and open to discussing house rules.
Tweens are likely to be more cooperative if they understand your concerns, understand the reasons you have formed these rules and know that you value their input either way.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
4 – Teach organizing skills.
If your child wasn’t messy as a little kid, there’s a chance their room might still look messy during their middle school years.
Your tween is probably facing more intense academic and social demands, which leads to more stress and less time.
Feel free to give your child some pointers on managing their time, study schedule, tips for remembering homework assignments and how to keep their room clean.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
5 – Show your appreciation.
Focus on the positive.
It’s so easy to focus on the way your kids may have changed “for the worse” during their years.
E.g., moodier, messier, more eye-rolling, more attitude etc.
But even still they are the same kid deep inside.
Praise your kids for the good they still do – like studying hard and pitching in with household chores.
Consciously look for the good that they do.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
6 – Encourage extracurricular activities.
Sixth to eighth grade is a great time for kids to explore new interests and build their confidence.
What are they interested in?
How can you help nurture that interest?
Share their enthusiasm for the things that spark their passion, interest and excitement.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
Reaching Out for Support
Just when things are becoming more challenging, you may also begin to feel increasingly isolated as a parent.
This change might happen because your tween leaves their familiar elementary school for a larger middle school.
Be aware that parents also need to cope with changing relationships.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
7 – Join a parent group.
You may not be able to count on making friends with other parents at the playground and birthday parties anymore, sigh!
Look instead for discussion groups online or at your church.
Can you still meet with new parents from your child’s middle school?
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
8 – Take parenting classes.
Are you stumped re: what you can do now that your tween has outgrown time outs?
Search online for parenting classes where you can update your skills on parenting older children.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
9 – Talk with the teacher.
Remember you still have the option of chatting with your child’s teacher to help you stay informed about how your child is doing in school and how you can help them learn.
Share any concerns you may have about excessive homework or college preparation.
Do they have any ideas on what could be helpful for your child, if they need additional help?
Offer to volunteer so you can stay informed.
KIDS WITH ATTITUDE ADVICE
10 – Assess your marriage.
Bringing up your tween could bring you and your spouse closer together or it could take a toll on your relationship.
You really need to sort out conflicts respectfully and present a united front.
Make time for each other because this time spent nurturing your relationship is a good investment.
If you feel like you need additional help with anything, make sure to see a therapist – seeking help is not a sign of weakness but strength.
All in all, your tween’s physical and emotional growth can be a cause for celebration as well as concern.
FYI: This concern is a totally normal feeling for parents to experience.
You are definitely not alone if you suffer from any middle school blues during this transformative period.
Do what you can to help both you (YES YOU!) and your kid to flourish during their middle school years.
Because it is so much easier to be a great parent, when you have made sure to take care of yourself first.
Reach out for additional support if you need it and just know, this is the first stop on the way towards adulthood with your child.
Make sure to enjoy the ride.
Want to encourage your child to learn and grow in life? ImSoClever.com is the perfect website to check out. Remember knowledge is power!
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.