Parenting Myths And Lies – Let These Go Today!

Parenting Myths And Lies – Let These Go Today!

Want to know the biggest parenting myths and lies? Here they are! You absolutely need to ditch believing these today.

Let’s chat about parenting myths and lies.

I feel like this blog post may be a little ranty because I will be sharing with you all the BS stories I have faced over the last 19 years of being a parent.

So I should start with a confession and it’s this.

When I first started my website InspiringMomLife.com where I help soul-led moms have a great family life while achieving their dreams, I was a little nervous about giving people the impression that I was walking around this world thinking I was the perfect parent with the perfect kids.

The reason I was super clear that I didn’t want to give people this wrong impression of me is because I was very aware of the fact that I wasn’t perfect and my kids weren’t perfect because of course no one in this world is perfect.

PARENTING MYTHS

This is actually one of my pet hates in life – people who do their best to create a facade of a flawless perfect life with no problems or challenges because I know that this is a big fat lie!

As humans we are all going to have our good days and bad days, our ups and down, our highs and lows and we will experience 50/50 when it comes to positive and negative emotions.

The reason I know this is true is simply because we can’t escape it because we ARE HUMAN.

This is a part of our life and it’s true for every single human in this world.

So I really do think that the reason that my little blog and website were so successful during its first year of launching, where I garnered over 1 million pageviews in that first year is because I was very clear about the fact that I was an imperfect parent with imperfect kids simply doing the best I can with the tools and resources I had at my disposal.

PARENTING MYTHS

I want to share with you two BS stories that parents are being fed by the so-called experts in this world who think they have the answer to all of our problems.

I sort of guessed they were BS when my kids were younger but now that my kids are 19 and 16.5 years I can 100% unequivocally say they are lies and that you can promptly ignore them.

So here goes:

THE FIRST BS STORY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF IS THAT SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR KID

Have you ever faced a parenting challenge and gone to seek advice from others like your family and friends or searched the internet and discovered that there are like a million different so-called solutions to this problem?

All these different ideas have actually made you even more confused because who do you listen to, what advice do you take?

You start to doubt your actions because maybe you were supposed to listen to A B C rather than X Y Z and like “oh gosh, you need to get this right or you will somehow mess up your kids and scar them permanently for life?

So here’s what I have to say about this one. You and only you know what is best for your kid.

What works for one child does not mean that it will necessarily work for another. If you haven’t worked it out yet then you will soon discover that even if you do stumble across something that one child responds to really well then you can try the same thing on Child 2 or 3 or 4 and it can fall completely flat.

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Because each of your kids are individuals with their own unique personalities, preferences and needs – they aren’t robots that are guaranteed to respond in a certain way because you did one particular strategy.

So sure you can ask for advice if you want to and search for ideas on the Internet but do it all with a grain of salt. Never assume that someone else knows your kids better than you do.

If you come across different ideas that are conflicting I want you to trust your gut when it comes to making decisions. Which ideas speak to your heart? What ideas resonate with you?

Which ideas do you feel compelled to try because you feel like it would work best with your individual child? Then test them out and if they don’t work, that’s okay. You can always try a different strategy but I want you to be approaching them with a feeling of confidence, love and strength rather than self doubt and fear.

You are their mom. You are the one who loves them the most in the world, though their dad of course could argue he loves them just as much as you but that’s not the point here.

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The point is I want you to learn to trust your instincts because they are rarely wrong. Ignore everyone who says they know them better unless they are of course a medical professional who has sort of insight into a condition that your child has that you aren’t privy to but even then, you need to feel comfortable that whatever they are suggested is in your child’s best interests.

If the alarm bells are ringing and the red flags are waving like mad around you, seek a different opinion and take their advice with an open, rational mind but always, always with the mindset that you know your child better than those who meet with them for only an hour or so occasionally. 

THE SECOND BS STORY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF IS THAT PARENTING HAS TO ALWAYS FEEL SO HARD

This is the reason why I put together a bundle of courses for moms called LET YOUR MOM LIFE BE EASIER and one for kids called LET YOUR KIDS LIFE BE EASIER because there is this impression that being a mom has to feel so freaking heavy and hard all the time.

Now I have to be careful when it comes to explaining my stance on this because I don’t want to discount the fact that motherhood doesn’t involve challenging moments.

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Of course there are challenging moments like when our kids are young and we are dealing with sleepless nights and then there’s the challenge when our kids become teens and they have a little or a lot more attitude (which fun fact is totally normal by the way) or you could be facing challenges like I did when I was trying to show up and still be a very present, loving mom while growing an online business in the precious pockets of time I was able to devote to this venture.

Which back then involved me working 5-7am before they woke up and then again 9-11pm after they went to sleep because I still had a day job when I started this business. 

But what you need to understand is that there are challenges in every stage of our life.

You still faced challenges before you had kids and you will face different challenges when they leave the home but just because you face challenges doesn’t mean you have to face them with the attitude of THIS IS SO HARD.

Because I promise you this thought that PARENTING IS HARD will just lead to you feeling frustrated and annoyed and overwhelmed, and when you are feeling this way, it will impact the actions you take and the results you create in your life. 

I personally prefer to look at parenting like you might look at every other area of your life.

Being in a relationship (like I have been for 25 years) involves good bits and more difficult bits and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Your work involves good bits and more difficult bits and this is again normal.

Exercise and eating well also involves good bits and more difficult bits and once again nothing has gone wrong when it is this way.

This is just life doing life and all of the above would be exponentially harder for you if you walked into them with the attitude that THIS SUCKS, IT’S SO HARD, I CAN’T DO THIS WELL, WHY BOTHER? etc.

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I just want you to know that you miss so much of the beauty of parenting when you focus only on the bad bits. Honestly, there is beauty there to be appreciated but you miss seeing it when you are constantly complaining and whining about how this life you are currently living is so hard.

Did you know that of course things can be hard and difficult but you can still face them with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation and this makes the hard things just a little easier?

I mean, one day your life will be over, your kids will be grown and go off to create their own lives and even though the days are long, the years are indeed short and I promise you, one day you will realise how lucky you always were to be blessed with this opportunity to be the mother of your kids.

PARENTING MYTHS

So I encourage you to soak it all up, the good bits, the bad bits, the love and cuddles and the tears, RELISH IT ALL WHILE YOU ARE STILL BLESSED TO DO SO.  I promise, you are strong enough to do this and you get to decide how you show up when you face those challenges and obstacles, so why not show up with love, strength and compassion for both yourself and others?

Now I want to chat about the third BS story that I really recommend that you let go of. Which is:

3 – THE THIRD BS STORY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF IS THAT THERE ARE “SHOULDS” IN PARENTING (AKA A RIGHT WAY OR WRONG WAY TO DO THINGS)

Now as a mom of older kids who are now 19 and 16, I can promise you this never, ever ends. When my daughter finished high school last year, she was often told by well-meaning teachers and other adults that she “should” go to university.

Now in the end she did accept a spot into a university and is currently doing a double degree but I can honestly tell you that I never put that pressure on her to make that decision.

She knows the story of my dad who finished school in year 6, had no education after the age of 12, came to Australia after being raised in what most would consider to be poverty, with nothing but the suitcase he was carrying which probably had nothing of value inside and yet he still achieved incredible success because of his work ethic and sheer determination to do well. 

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So I’ve always told my kids what will matter more than any paper you receive is your willingness to go out into the world and work hard, take risks, be confident and even if you’re not confident do things scared and so on.

If my daughter didn’t want to go to uni, I swear it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I encouraged her to do whatever she felt called to do whether it was to go study at TAFE which I guess is like our version of a community technical college or do an cadetship or traineeship or take a gap year or really whatever she felt excited or interested in doing.

There are no set paths that every teen has to follow in order to do well in life, though I guess I would encourage them to follow their heart when it comes to their work life because life is so much more enjoyable when you do work you enjoy.

But anyway I digress…the point I’m trying to make is that there are NO SHOULDs and if we go right back to the early years it starts almost from the moment our kids are born.

PARENTING MYTHS

We are told:

Our kids should be sleeping in their cot by now

They should be sleeping through the night by now

They should be crawling or walking by now

They should be eating by now

They should be toilet trained by now

They should be reading

They should be doing sports

They should be enrolled in lots of extracurricular activities to expand their minds

They should be doing X amount of homework after school each day

They should be social and have lots of friends

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Oh and then there are all the SHOULDN’Ts

They shouldn’t be so loud

They shouldn’t be so feisty

They shouldn’t be so shy

They shouldn’t be opinionated

They shouldn’t be so trusting

They shouldn’t be such a dreamer

I swear I could go on and on and on here and here’s what I feel like saying about all these should and shouldn’ts that people often try to shove down your throat. I wish they would just go and F the Shoulds.

Really I do, because this is tied back to the fact that our kids are individuals with their own unique personalities and quirks and interests AND the fact that you as a parent get to decide what you instinctively feel is best for your child.

They will walk and crawl and be toilet trained and sleep through the time whenever they are ready to and you can push and prod your kids to do exactly what you want them to do, because some book has said this is what 6 month old babies or 2 year old toddlers “should” be doing.

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But that book or those guidelines cannot and never will be able to speak for all the approximately 117 billion humans that have ever been born on Earth.

Yes I literally did Google that number because this fact is not just true for all the humans that are currently alive in this world but also for all the humans that have ever lived in the past and all those who will be born in the future.

Imagine if I tried to force my son to walk like his sister did at 10 months.

It would never have happened because we discovered at age 3 that he had a degenerative neuro-muscular disease impacting his peripheral limbs. So he started walking at 18 months but guess what?

So too did two of his friends who ended up being totally fine and their late walking didn’t indicate anything about a future diagnosis. Kids will do things or not do things in their own time and for you to waste your time stressing about speeding things up or speeding things down is just a waste of your precious time and energy.

PARENTING MYTHS

I look back and I also laugh in disbelief about all the things I used to worry about when my kids were young. Like how I just let them sleep on my chest while they were a newborn rather than putting them into their crib.

People used to shake their heads and tell me: “you will live to regret that. You should really put them down in their cot to sleep.” But guess what? I don’t regret it. I don’t regret cuddling them for all those weeks.

I also remember carrying Jake around in a sling for way longer than other moms might have done…just because it was easier to do stuff with his big sister that way and then at around I think 5 months when I thought “it’s time to introduce the cot thing during the day, because he was already sleeping there at night,” and sure it took a week or so for him to adjust but do I regret taking so long to move him to the cot for his daytime sleeps?

Of course not. You get to do what works best for you. If you want to  go out all day and let them sleep in the pram, go ahead. 

Seriously unless you’re doing something that is physically and psychologically causing your child harm, which of course you aren’t because you love your child and genuinely want the best for them, then the only should I’m recommending you consider embracing is I SHOULD IGNORE ALL THE SHOULDs IN LIFE.

I think back to the way my sisters and I were raised…no after-school extracurricular activities, no being spoilt with toys, no being entertained every single second of the day.

Of course you can do that if you want to…but there’s a good chance that they will turn out just fine…or maybe even better if you drop all the shoulds…

The reason I say better is only because they would have a more relaxed and present parent there to support them in life as opposed to one who was constantly comparing herself and her kids to others, trying to keep up with the Joneses, feeling guilty about all the stuff she is or isn’t doing etc instead of just doing what was best for her and her own family.

4 – THE FOURTH AND FINAL BS STORY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF IS THIS: YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS BETTER THAN THEY KNOW THEMSELVES

Okay now this BS story might sound a little controversial especially since I already said in BS STORY 1 that it’s a complete lie that other people know what’s best for your kids. You are their mom so of course you know your kids better than anyone else.

But here’s where we can often get tripped up while parenting our kids…especially as they get older.

PARENTING MYTHS

It’s easy enough to genuinely believe that you know what’s best for your best when they are young and innocent and unable to protect themselves from danger or feed themselves or put themselves to sleep etc.

But as they get older they will surprise you more and more with their very individual personality and quirks and desires and interests and wants and the things you always hoped they would love, they might not love and the things you always dreamed of doing with them, they might not have any desire to do at all.

Even though you might insist that they SHOULD do this or that, or they SHOULD love whatever you are suggesting to them, chances are they won’t and yes it might hurt but welcome to parenthood my friend.

I recommend that you start to see your kids as the individual humans that they are.

They might be introverted or extraverted. They might be creative or academic or kind or quirky or shy or anything really and its our job as parents to allow them to spread their wings in life and give them the freedom to be who they were born to be rather than trying to mold them into who we want or expect them to be.

They will do some things that frustrate and aggravate you. They will do things that challenge and provoke you and even still its our job to love them anyway unconditionally throughout this process.

Not to force them to do whatever we want them to do but to guide them instead throughout their journey in life as best as we can knowing that we will sometimes stuff up along the way and its okay.

PARENTING MYTHS

They are learning just as you are still learning how to navigate themselves in the best way they know how in this world. So trust them and support them along the way. If they are insistent that they don’t want to do sports or dance or drama, trust that this is true for them.

If they know they don’t want to hang out with or socialise with someone who you think they should totally be spending time with, trust that this is true for them.

Your truth or your best will be different for them and it’s okay my friend. Kids are so much smarter and more intuitive than we usually give them credit for so trust that they know even when you are sure that your way is the best for them. 

Maybe it was best for you and they have different lessons and challenges that they are meant to be facing in life.

You are here to help and support them along the way but this is completely different from trying to control their every action and thought in life. Just like you they were born with free will.

They have their own desires that are different from your own and this is the way it’s supposed to be. Trust that it will turn out okay and fine for them in the end. Simply trust them.

they are growing up, listen to what they have to say. Their concerns and feelings are always valid. They are just like you – all they want to be is understood, accepted and listened to in life.

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You can do this for them, for your kids, for the children you birthed into the world or were gifted with to love and raise.  

Remember if you want to dive deeper please make sure to check out my signature parenting course BE A BETTER PARENT IN 30 DAYS – How to radically change the relationship you have with your kids in 30 days or less which you can find at inspiringmomlife.com/betterparent.

As always, much love from me and take care.

Much love,

Frances Vidakovic 

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Frances Vidakovic

I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action on their goals. Wake up, do what matters, and savour it all, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.