How To Surrender To What Is Not Meant To Be
Want to know how to surrender to what is not meant to be? Here is my best advice to when and how to surrender to life.
Let’s chat about how to surrender.
Today I want to chat about surrendering to what is not meant to be for you. So this is a little bit of a tough conversation for me to have with you because as a life coach I am all about encouraging you to dream big and chase the goals that set your heart on fire.
How To Surrender
So for me to suggest that there are some goals that are simply not meant to be may feel like a bitter pill for us to swallow. So I want to share that this is something I am experiencing in my life right now.
A few months ago an opportunity came up for us to pursue and I was like: OOOOOH I WANT THAT SO BAD.
This goal was something that writers dream of doing, something much like writing a movie script or becoming a writer for a magazine you have absolutely loved – let’s just say the Oprah magazine which was definitely not my goal but it fell into the same sort of category.
I thought it would be the very best thing I could do right now even if it wasn’t totally aligned with my business but I thought that’s okay I still want it and OMG it would be so fabulous if I could achieve it.
How To Surrender
So back at the end of July I set my sights on this goal and I thought it would happen soon enough but guess what? It didn’t happen.
Honestly the funniest most random obstacles begun to appear in my life that kept this goal out of my reach so in the end we reached August I will still no closer to this goal even though I had paused everything in my life, cleared the table thinking that for sure this goal would transpire.
My patience had honestly never been tested in the way it was during August and then September…there were still delays and one day I woke up and realized…gosh maybe the reason my big goal hasn’t been achieved is because IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE FOR ME.
How To Surrender
I think we have all heard the quote: rejection is God’s protection and even if you aren’t spiritually minded there is some comfort in this quote in that it implies: you will be prevented from achieving the goals that are not meant for you.
Now I do think this pertains to goals that involve other people making a decision. So not goals that have to do with you reaching a health goal or personal goal that you can get to work on without anyone else playing a hand in the ultimate outcome.
But when it comes to jobs you apply for, or relationships you wish to nurture or houses you wish to buy or things that depend on someone else having the final say: if it’s not meant to be for you, it simply won’t happen.
I remember pulling out an oracle card one day last month and it had the weirdest yet wisest message for me. It was called BLESSING IN DISGUISE.
It said: sometimes the universe removes things from your path so that it can send you something else that you truly need and deserve. When we want something that is out of our reach or it feels impossible, it is for a good reason. It’s not that we don’t deserve it or aren’t worthy of the things we want.
It is often that the universe has to make room for something EVEN BETTER in our lives. Something that we may not even realize that we need.
How To Surrender
So funnily enough I am recording this episode while the goal is still a possibility and I will know for sure if it is meant to be or not by the end of the month but what I’ve discovered when it comes to chasing big goals that may never happen, the universe isn’t working against you to punish you in any way.
It may simply be that you aren’t getting that thing you so desperately want because it is not meant to be for you.
There is something better waiting for you in the future. And if you just release your tight grip on it and surrender to the process, surrender to life, that is when what is meant to come your way, that is when it will present itself.
I’m not sure if you have heard Oprah explain the power of surrender when it came to her wanting a role on the movie The Color Purple.
I remember hearing Oprah speak about her obsession with getting the role until one day she realized: maybe it isn’t meant to be for her.
How To Surrender
She was running on a treadmill I think, praying with all her heart to God to help her fully surrender her obsession with being in The Colour Purple and the moment she felt that surrender happen, it was immediately followed by a call from Spielberg inviting her for an audition the next day. Her specific quote with regards to this is:
So, The Color Purple changed my life. It changed everything about my life because, in that moment of praying and letting go, I really understood the principle of surrender.
The principle of surrender is that, after you have done all that you can do, and you’ve done your best and given it your all, you then have to release it to whatever you call God, and then be open to whatever is meant to be.
Surrendering to life is all about letting go of your compulsion to control the world, control all the outcomes and trying to make the world exactly as you want it to be instead of accepting it as it is.
Surrendering to the uncertainty and fluidity and flow of this world. And I have to note here that surrendering is definitely not the same as giving up.
When you surrender to life, you feel at peace and a sense of relief because you aren’t forcing what is not meant to be. Giving up on the other hand is when you feel defeated, you feel crushed and lose hope.
They may appear on the outset to be similar but I promise you when you surrender, you will feel strengthened rather than weakened in life. And what you might find is that like Oprah you get exactly what you want when you surrender to the possibility that you might not get it.
But it’s a possibility that you might not get it.
You might not get that job, you might not get that love, you might not get that promotion, you might not get that role or win but what if everything was going to be okay either way.
How To Surrender
What if the universe was almost like blocking you from getting that thing you so desperately want because there is something bigger and better waiting for you just around the corner.
And you can’t get to that bigger and better thing that is made for you and you alone, if you get goal A instead of the bigger and better goal B.
This is what I’ve discovered myself during these few months of being fully focused and obsessing about some goal that might not come to fruition. I’ve discovered I will be okay either way.
I’ve discovered how it might actually not work in my favor to achieve this goal because it might take me in a direction that I don’t want to go. Especially when I already have such clear goals for this business, where I help you via coaching and my digital courses to live your life with more intention.
How To Surrender
Surrendering is about relaxing into the moment, letting go, accepting, being open to different possibilities, staying curious and fluid and flowing rather than feeling super rigid and desperately trying to control your outcomes in life. Because here’s the thing you can’t control life and others…you can only control how you show up in each moment.
This is where I encourage you to read THE SURRENDER EXPERIMENT by Michael A. Singer. The blurb for this book goes as follows: In this book, Singer tells his extraordinary story of what happened when after a deep spiritual awakening in his twenties, he decided to no longer let his personal fears and desires dictate his life but to simply surrender to what life had in store.
Michael Singer explores the concept of surrender and how it can lead to a life of greater ease, flow, and fulfillment after making a 40-year commitment to saying yes to the opportunities life presented him.
I won’t give away exactly where all the yeses and surrendering to life took him but the main lessons in this book include:
- One of the main goals of spirituality is learning how to quiet the mind.
- You can calm your mind by surrendering to the life flow.
- Building a successful business can be easier if you follow the flow of life.
- The right opportunities and the right people will come to you if you surrender the flow of life.
- Extreme success can also result from continued surrendering.
- Accepting extreme adversity is also a part of surrendering to life.
So basically, when you let go of how you think your life should be, amazing things start to happen.
Wishing you much luck and love,
Frances Vidakovic xxx
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.