How To Stop Arguing (About The Dumb, Petty Stuff AND BIG STUFF)

 

Want to know how to stop arguing all the time? If you’re tired of the constant fighting, here’s what you need to do instead.

 

 

Let’s chat about how to stop arguing.

I don’t think there’s a person in the world who genuinely LOVES having a fight with someone they love. Of course they might enjoy a healthy debate, but an argument is a completely different thing, especially when it’s heated and leads to one or both parties feeling angry.

So how do you stop an argument? And is it even possible for ONE PERSON to stop an argument when the other party is intent on staying pissed off? Well in an ideal world, both parties would actively work together towards resolution and do their best to maintain a healthy communication style.

 

But if you feel like you alone will be doing the heavy argument-ending lifting, here are some tips to help you stop arguing and move towards a more constructive conversation:

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

1 – Take a Pause:

 

You are pissed off and your loved one is pissed off and consquently emotions are running high. What then? The best place to start is by taking a pause or a short break. When you do this – step away from the situation to cool off, gather your thoughts, and regain composure – it gives you a moment to tame the fire. This can prevent the argument from escalating further.

 

 

 

HUSBAND WIFE FIGHTING 

 

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

2 – Practice Active Listening:

 

When you are embroiled in the argument, are you actually hearing what the other person is saying or are you so focused on YOUR words, YOUR perspective, YOUR interpretation? Is it possible they have a reason why they’re feeling so passionate about their point of view?

In order to increase your chances of ending an argument, make sure that you’re actively listening to the other person’s perspective. Don’t you want to know the thoughts going on inside their head? Don’t you want to know how they rationalise or come to certain conclusions? Give them the opportunity to express themselves without interruption. Reflect on what they’re actually saying – even if it conflicts with  your own personal view -before responding.

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

3 – Express Your Feelings Calmly:

 

It’s time to calm yourself down. You can be angry if you want to be but when you express your anger, DO IT CALMLY. When it’s your turn to speak, express your feelings using “I” statements. Focus on your own emotions and experiences rather than placing blame on the other person. This is MY perspective. This is how I see it. The conversation can be exactly the same but when you approach it from a space of calm, this can help create a more open and non-confrontational environment.

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

4 – Find Common Ground:

 

Are you and your loved one really so different or is there a chance that you view some things from the same perspective? Look for areas of agreement or common ground. Sure, you think differently from each other because YOU ARE BOTH DIFFERENT. But do your best to emphasize shared goals or values that both parties can agree on. Finding commonality can help shift the focus from conflict to collaboration and more peacefully end the argument.

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

5 – Avoid Negative Language:

 

Ouch – we all know how some words are like weapons; they shoot straight through the heart Obviously do your best to refrain from using harsh or accusatory language. Remember you will never be able to take back those words.

Be mindful too of your tone and choose words that convey your thoughts without escalating tension. Can you say the same words without raising your voice? Can you convey the same sentiments without losing your cool? Avoid making personal attacks or bringing up past grievances – this will lead to no good!

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

6 – Use Humor to Defuse Tension:

 

Humor can be an effective way to lighten the mood and break tension. So how can you lighten the mood? How can you defuse the ticking time bomb that is an escalating argument? Just be cautious not to use sarcasm or smart-assy humor that may be hurtful.

 

HUSBAND WIFE FIGHTING 

 

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

7 – Focus on Solutions, Not Blame:

 

Instead of dwelling on who is right or wrong, shift the focus to finding solutions to the underlying issues. I LOVE THIS APPROACH. Say the words: okay it’s obvious we don’t agree. So what are we going to do next? How can we end this conversation without being pissed off at each other? Collaborate on ways to address the problem together and nip it in the bud.

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

8 – Take Responsibility:

 

If you recognize that you’ve contributed to the argument, the adult thing to do would be to take responsibility for your part. Acknowledge any mistakes or misunderstandings, and be willing to apologize if necessary. Saying I’M SORRY and actually meaning it is a quick way to end an argument.

I’m sorry, let’s move on. I’m sorry, let’s put this to rest. I’m sorry, we don’t need to chat about this anymore. I’m genuinely sorry you were hurt by my words, that was not my intention etc

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

9 – Establish Boundaries:

 

Even before you get into an argument, I think it’s important that you have clearly communicated your boundaries and expectations for the conversation. EVEN IF THESE BOUNDARIES ARE FOR YOU AND YOU ALONE.

For example, I won’t take abuse, I refuse to sit here and be yelled at. I will walk away if I feel uncomfortable etc. These are super clear boundaries so decide on and establish your boundaries ahead of time. This will help ensure that the discussion remains respectful and productive (and if it doesn’t, you know what you need to do – remove yourself from the situation).

 

 

HUSBAND WIFE FIGHTING 

 

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

10 – Seek a Compromise:

 

The goal of an argument isn’t to convince the other person that you’re right and they’re wrong. (Most people think it is though which is why they keep arguments going on FOREVER). The goal instead is to find a middle ground where both parties can feel respected and satisfied.

In other words, be open to compromise. Compromise involves mutual concessions that still feel like a win-win to both parties, and finding a healthy balance is often the key to resolving conflicts.

 

HOW TO STOP ARGUING

11 – Consider a Third Party:

 

If you have an argument that persists and is dragging on forever, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a trusted friend, who can provide you with an outside perspective. Do this when you’re alone and when you’re open to hearing another person’s opinion. This outside party may offer you a few golden nuggets that leads to you seeing options to resolve the ongoing argument.  

In the end, please remember that it’s okay to disagree with your loved ones, but how you handle disagreements is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Every human will have arguments BUT HOW DO YOU RESOLVE THEM?

This last part is the most important part of the equation. Be open to resolving your disagreements in a healthy manner. Be open to seeing if you can communicate with others in a more effective manner. This willingness to “argue more effectively” can contribute to you consistently resolving conflicts in a positive and constructive manner.

 

 

I wish you the best of luck, Frances xxx

 

 

 

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