Controlling Behavior – 13 Ways To End It Forever
Want to get over your controlling behavior? Here are 13 ways to release your need to always be in total control.
Let’s chat about controlling behavior.
If you have a tendency to be controlling, there’s a good chance this behavior is sabotaging your relationships right?
Maybe your partner tells you that they have a different opinion from you and you can’t cope with this fact. Or your kids want to do things THEIR way and you think YOUR WAY is the only proper way to do things.
Maybe you even recognize your own controlling tendencies but still can’t help stop it. You feel compelled to want to manage other people’s thoughts and actions.
Here’s the thing: people who feel the need to control others, often don’t have control over themselves.
And when taken too far, controlling people and controlling relationships can often lead to heartache or emotional and/or physical abuse.
Even if your actions are much less extreme, you may still be reinforcing your insecurities and losing opportunities for friendship and love.
However if you’re willing to change your controlling behavior, you can indeed develop healthier ways to interact with others.
You can also learn how to become more cooperative and less controlling with time and practice.
Steps to Take with Yourself:
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
TIP 1 – Consider therapy.
The need to control your environment often begins in childhood with parents who may have been demanding or unreliable.
Counseling can provide the help you need to change such long-standing habits.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
TIP 2 – Manage anxiety.
Trying to dominate others is usually a sign of insecurity.
Learning to recognize and soothe your own anxieties will make it so much easier to be vulnerable and treat others as equals.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
TIP 3 – Build your confidence.
At the same time, you can work on developing a more valid sense of self-esteem and confidence.
Remember your strengths and achievements.
You too have something special to offer this world and other people’s successes don’t limit your ability to succeed too.
Practice asserting yourself without putting others down.
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TIP 4 – Widen your circle.
Do you want your partner to spend all his free time with you instead of their family and friends?
If so, why?
Why is this necessary for you to be happy?
Have you considered the fact that you both might be happier if you maintain other connections.
Different relationships help meet different needs, which is why it’s so important to understand that all your needs won’t necessarily be met by one person.
News alert: YOU WILL NEED TO MEET SOME OF YOUR OWN NEEDS!
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
TIP 5 – Spend time alone.
Here’s a tip: becoming comfortable with solitude can also help you to feel less dependent on others.
Do you feel comfortable being on your own?
If so, why is that the case?
If you have an issue with alone time, what is it specifically about alone time that makes you feel uncomfortable?
Practice planning activities you can enjoy solo such as reading, studying new interesting or even visiting an art museum on your own (this is perfectly fine to do my friend!)
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TIP 6 – Assess your career.
While controlling behavior may drive you to reach your goals at work, it could also limit your job satisfaction.
Do you feel comfortable taking risks so you can learn and grow?
Do you have office friends to share lunch and laughs with?
Do you along yourself the freedom to make mistake, change paths and grow as a person?
Steps to Take with Your Partner:
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
TIP 7 – Negotiate more.
Romances may end quickly if you’re used to giving orders and arguing until your partner gives in.
Experiment instead with a more collaborative approach.
Take turns making decisions.
Learn to NEGOTIATE.
Search for compromises that will satisfy you both – not just one person (that is YOU!).
Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore.
It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. Deborah Reber
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TIP 8 – Recognize manipulation.
Making your partner feel guilty for disagreeing with you is likely to drive them away.
It’s time to be honest with yourself about your intentions.
Don’t play games.
Ask for what you need directly.
You are an adult now; no need for trickeries or thinly veiled requests?
Be upfront about what you want rather than feeling the need to be quietly deceptive.
No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself. William Penn
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TIP 9 – Stop keeping score.
Have you ever noticed you have a tendency to want to keep score when it comes to favors?
That is, do you only want to do a favor for someone once you have tallied up what they’ve done for you first?
The truth is you’ll find that giving is more rewarding if you forget about the balance sheet.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: Give because you want to give, instead of feeling like you need to get something back in return.
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TIP 10 – Respect privacy.
It may be tempting to look through your partner’s phone and social media accounts if you find it difficult to trust.
But this controlling behavior will usually just make things worse.
They deserve to have their own privacy (just like you and every individual in this world) and exercising some restraint may help you relax too.
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TIP 11 – Think positive.
Criticizing others can be a way to feel superior.
But before you say something harsh to your partner, ask yourself if it’s truthful and constructive.
Can the opposite be just as true?
Could you look instead at the positive side of things rather than the negative all the time?
Why not work out what you love about your partner rather than always nitpicking things that are wrong with their behavior?
Controlling people often demean or criticize others as a means of building themselves up and appearing superior and in control. In fact, a controlling person is easy to spot from the constant monologue about how rotten, stupid, evil, ridiculous, annoying etc. everyone else is (presumably they are never any of these things. – Wikihow
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TIP 12 – Keep an open mind.
Close connections with others depend on the ability to listen to each other and respect different points of view.
You’ll be less likely to belittle your partner for their beliefs if you feel secure about yourself and your relationship.
Here’s the thing: He can think what he thinks and you can think what you think.
After all, you are both entitled to your own opinions and your relationship can still survive despite these differences.
Why not just agree to disagree?
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TIP 13 – Love unconditionally.
Whatever your childhood was like, even if it was less than the best, you can still decide to do things differently from hereon.
You can choose to value others for whom they are instead of what they can do for you.
Unconditional love means loving them without conditions.
It means accepting others as individuals rather than requiring them to live up to your expectations or change their behavior in order to make you happy.
All in all you can turn your life around by finding the support you need to give up your controlling behavior.
Instead you can form connections based on trust and respect.
Yes, trust and respect without needing others to conform to your way.
Once you ditch the controlling behavior, you will enjoy not only a greater peace of mind but your relationships will be more stable and fulfilling too – win, win!
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.