How to Cope with Terrible People

How do I figure out what I really want from life?

 

It’s one of the most common questions women ask themselves, especially in midlife: What do I really want from life?

For years, you may have lived in “autopilot mode” – checking boxes, meeting expectations, doing what was needed for your family, career, or community. But then one day, you pause and realize: I’ve been doing so much for everyone else… but what about me? What do I actually want?

If you feel stuck, confused, or directionless, know this: you’re not broken. You’re simply ready for a new level of clarity. And clarity doesn’t come from overthinking – it comes from reflection + action.

Why figuring out what you want feels hard

There are real reasons this question is so tricky:

 

  • You’ve been busy meeting others’ needs. When your identity has been “mom,” “partner,” or “professional” for years, your personal desires can feel buried.
  • Fear of making the wrong choice. Sometimes it’s easier to stay stuck than risk pursuing something and failing.
  • Overthinking. The more you analyze, the more tangled your thoughts become, leading to analysis paralysis.
  • External voices. Expectations from family, culture, or society can drown out your own inner voice.

The result? You keep spinning in circles, never moving forward.

But here’s the hopeful part: figuring out what you want is less about finding a perfect “right answer” and more about creating space to listen – and daring to take small steps forward.

 

5 Steps to Figure Out What You Really Want

1. Journal what lights you up vs. drains you

Clarity starts with awareness. Make two lists:

  • Activities, people, and environments that energize you.
  • Activities, people, and environments that leave you drained.

💡 Example: One mom noticed that teaching fitness classes left her buzzing with joy, while endless admin tasks left her exhausted. That simple awareness helped her shift her career toward what fueled her.

Why this matters: Your desires are often hiding in plain sight – you just need to name them.

 

2. Experiment with small “test runs”

Don’t wait until you know your “big dream” before you act. Start testing possibilities in small, low-risk ways.

💡 Example: Curious about writing? Commit to writing for 15 minutes a day. Thinking about a new career path? Volunteer or take a short course.

Why this matters: Action breeds clarity. You don’t find direction by thinking harder – you find it by trying things.

 

3. Ask yourself: “If I wasn’t afraid, what would I choose?”

Fear blurs clarity. Imagine fear was off the table – no judgment, no failure, no guilt. What would you choose?

💡 Example: One woman realized that if she wasn’t afraid of disappointing her parents, she’d choose to move abroad. Naming that truth helped her make plans for a life aligned with her desires, not their expectations.

Why this matters: Removing fear, even hypothetically, helps you uncover what you truly want.

 

4. Listen to your future self

Picture yourself five, ten, or twenty years from now. What would your future self thank you for starting today?

💡 Example: A mom in her 40s asked herself this and realized her future self would thank her for finally prioritizing her health. That perspective helped her make exercise and wellness non-negotiables.

Why this matters: Looking at decisions from the lens of the future helps you cut through present-day noise.

 

5. Simplify and choose one focus

Sometimes the problem isn’t not knowing – it’s trying to chase too many possibilities at once. Choose one area to focus on and give it attention for the next season.

💡 Example: Instead of trying to launch a business, start a blog, and write a book all at once, focus on just one for the next three months.

Why this matters: Clarity grows when you commit. Trying to do everything only leads to confusion.

 

Common mistakes that keep people stuck

  • Waiting for a “big revelation.” Clarity doesn’t arrive in one lightning-bolt moment – it builds through action.
  • Copying other people’s paths. What works for someone else may not bring you joy.
  • Believing you “should” already know. Self-discovery is a process, not a deadline.

 

Myth-busting: Finding clarity

  • Myth: There’s one perfect “right answer.”
     Truth: Life is full of seasons – you can want different things at different times.
  • Myth: I’ll know when the timing is right.
     Truth: The timing rarely feels perfect – you create clarity by starting.
  • Myth: Wanting more means I’m ungrateful.
     Truth: Gratitude and desire can coexist. You can appreciate your life and want to grow.

 

How moms can model clarity for their kids

Just like with bravery and confidence, your journey toward clarity teaches your kids valuable lessons.

  • Show them curiosity. Try new things and say out loud, “I’m exploring what I enjoy.”
  • Let them see you change your mind. Kids learn it’s okay to pivot.
  • Talk about alignment. Explain, “This choice feels right because it matches my values.”

💡 Example: A mom who tried three different hobbies before finding her passion for painting taught her kids that exploration is normal – and that quitting isn’t failure, it’s clarity.

Why this matters: When you live with curiosity and intention, your kids learn to do the same.

 

 

FAQ: Figuring Out What You Want From Life

Q: What if I truly don’t know what I want?
 A: That’s okay. Start with small experiments. Often, clarity comes not from thinking harder but from trying different things and noticing how they feel.

 

Q: How do I know if what I want is “right”?
 A: Ask yourself: Does this align with my values? Does it bring me energy rather than drain me? If the answer is yes, it’s worth pursuing – even if it doesn’t look “right” to others.

 

Q: What if my dreams don’t fit into my current season of life?
 A: You don’t have to abandon them – sometimes it’s about adjusting the timeline. If travel isn’t realistic now, plan for a trip in the future. Plant seeds now that can grow later.

 

Q: How do I handle guilt for wanting more?
 A: Remember, wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. You can love your family and your current life deeply while still desiring growth. Both can be true.

 

Q: What if I’m scared to disappoint people by pursuing what I want?
 A: Disappointment is temporary, but regret lingers. The people who love you most want you to be fulfilled. And those who don’t? Their approval was never yours to carry.

 

Q: Can I change what I want later?
 A: Absolutely. Clarity is fluid. You’re allowed to evolve and choose new paths as you grow.

 

Q: How do I quiet the overthinking?
 A: Limit analysis to short windows (e.g., 20 minutes of journaling) and then commit to action. Overthinking creates noise – action creates clarity.

 

Q: What if everything feels like it’s “too late” for me?
 A: It’s never too late. Many women launch new careers, write books, travel, or completely reinvent themselves in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. Time doesn’t disqualify you – it gives you wisdom.

 

Q: Can I want something just for me, not my family?
 A: Yes. You are a whole person, not just a role. Desires that are just for you are valid, healthy, and often energize your family life too.

 

Q: How do I tell the difference between a passing whim and a real desire?
 A: Pay attention to what lingers. A whim fades quickly; a true desire keeps resurfacing no matter how many times you push it down.

 

Q: What if what I want changes as I grow?
 A: That’s normal and healthy. Clarity isn’t a single destination – it’s a lifelong journey of aligning with who you are becoming.

 

A new way forward

Figuring out what you want isn’t about having a perfect roadmap – it’s about giving yourself permission to listen, experiment, and grow. The answers are already within you. You just need the courage and the tools to uncover them.

 

Your next step

If you’re ready to stop spinning in circles and gain real clarity about your life, my Your Magic Wand Course is the perfect place to begin. This self-paced 12-week coaching program walks you step by step through the exact process I use with my private clients to uncover their deepest desires, make confident decisions, and take aligned action.

👉 Inside Your Magic Wand, you’ll find everything you need to move from overthinking to clarity, from stuck to unstoppable. Start today and finally create a life that feels like yours.

 

And if you want virtual life coaching strategies for your personal growth in every area of your life: Everything you need to take control of your time, mind, and energy lives inside Inspiring Life Academy: 90+ courses, coaching roadmaps, and resources designed to help you step into your richest life. Join here.

🙌🏻 SEE YOUR INSPIRING LIFE ACADEMY SPECIAL HERE

 

With love and belief,

Frances Vidakovic xxx

 

 

 

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