Motivation For Teens – How To Stop Nagging Your Teen
Looking for motivation for teens? Here’s exactly how to start motivating teenagers WITHOUT being a nag (yes really!)
Let’s chat about motivation for teens.
If you are looking for information on motivating teenagers WITHOUT NAGGING you have come to the right place.
“Clean your room.”
“Do your homework.”
“Have you done your chores?”
“Not until you’ve done your…”
If you have a teen then you will know full well that this is a tricky part of our parenting journey. I speak from experience as I currently have two teens (one 13 year old son and one 15 year old daughter).
Most days parents of teens KNOW they sound like a broken record and it’s painful not just for us to hear but also our teens.
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
No one appreciates nagging.
If you cringed a little bit reading that list (like I did – I know I have said these things more than once in my life)! you will probably also admit that you heard similar things while growing up.
You might have even promised yourself that nothing like that would ever come out of your mouth.
The reality is, if you’re the parent of a teenager, you’ve probably already used a variation or two of these very words, even despite the best of intentions.
Why?
Likely it’s because at some point you were just too tired or too stressed to figure out the alternatives.
It just seemed more natural to tell your teen to ‘do’ rather than giving them the gentle push they needed that would have made them choose that action for themselves.
Believe it or not, there is a better way. Yes, I promise there is!
Here’s how to begin motivating teenagers starting today:
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
1 – Start by being the voice of reason in the middle of the storm.
When a teen is stressed and overwhelmed, at best they’ll shut down.
At worst, they’re likely to make a series of decisions leading to disaster.
When they hit this panic, it falls to you to calm the chaos.
Yes, it may sometimes feel like you are in the middle of the storm.
We need to accept that parenting teens CAN be tough and this awareness (instead of fighting this reality) can help give us strength, because it prevents us from jumping to the conclusion that we are bad parents.
The truth is raising teens can be tough.
Let your teen know in a calm way what your expectations are of them and how they can help rather than jumping in with a rapid-fire set of instructions.
Once they are calm (in response to your calm manner), they will be better able to make their own decisions.
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
2 – Then give your teen clarity so that they can see themselves for who they truly are.
Teens typically have a pretty skewed vision of themselves and don’t often see the things that their parents do.
They think they are always right.
They think they can do whatever they like.
They sometimes think they deserve things and privileges that they haven’t yet earned.
They are still learning and growing in life.
Learn to ask the right questions that guide your teens and help them start seeing their strengths and talents.
Prod these good qualities into the spotlight and then show them how they can use these skills to solve the problem at hand.
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
3 – Become a researcher and guidance counselor rolled into one.
Rather than giving your teen a dozen options, show them where to find them.
That is part of how they learn to become more independent in life – by learning to do things themselves, instead of depending on others to save them.
Talk to them about their goals and then discuss ways to find the information needed to make them a reality.
Encourage them to talk to mentors and counselors at school to guide them on this path of discovery.
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
4 – Become a brainstorming buddy.
When your teen gets stuck (which of course they will at some point), instead of jumping in to tell them what to do, take the time to have a proper talk if they are open to it.
They may not initially see the value of this conversation but knowing that you have someone to talk to is important in life.
They need to know that they can throw out ideas without censoring themselves until they find a solution that sticks.
MOTIVATION FOR TEENS
5 – Become a cheerleader.
Have you ever had anyone tell you that you do a job well?
How did it make you feel?
Pretty good, right?
It only makes sense that we praise the efforts of our teens and celebrate theirs successes. It feels so much better than hassling your teen for the things left undone, or the failures they’ve met along the way.
Ask yourself now: do you shine a spotlight on your teen’s successes or only on their shortcomings?
In order to stop or minimize nagging, you need to make a conscious decision to do so.
You get to decide.
You are the parent and you get to choose which approach you take with your teen.
If something isn’t working, change it!
Look for an alternative way that works.
By not nagging and instead focusing on the positive ways in which you can motivate your teen, you will find that your child comes away more motivated and excited about their lives in general.
That’s what we want them to feel in this stage of their life – hopeful and excited about the future.
What’s more, you’ll build a positive relationship with your teen that you can enjoy in the years to come.
This is obviously something we all want to nurture with our teens, because before we know it they will be adults and living their own life, hopefully in a responsible, compassionate and respectful manner. At least that is the plan!
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With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach, course creator and host of the Inspiring Life Podcast. Her superpower is transforming dreamers into doers, with simple, kick-up-the-butt strategies.