Separation Anxiety – 15 Best Ways To Cope As A Mom
Stressed about separation anxiety in babies and toddlers? Here are 15 ways to cope when your child gets upset about you leaving.
Let’s chat about separation anxiety.
Are you stressed about separation in babies and toddlers?
No worries! Here are the 15 best ways to cope when your child gets upset about you leaving.
When it comes to separation anxiety, it’s helpful to know that it is very normal for babies and toddlers to experience this feeling.
Put simply, separation anxiety is the anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation from his or her mother or main carer.
Even though it’s easy to feel trapped when your baby wails every time you try to step away, rest assured that this is a natural and temporary stage in child development.
In the meantime, consider these suggestions to help you and your family sail through this period more comfortably.
Facts to Help Understand Separation Anxiety
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 1 – Know the key ages.
Babies tend to become clingy at about 8 months.
Then just when you think it’s over, a second bout of separation anxiety is likely to start up at about 18 months.
All this usually fades away by the second birthday.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 2 – Think about the psychology.
When you think about it, it makes sense that older babies and toddlers will experience some form of anxiety when you are gone.
They are still learning about the world and when you leave they have no idea when or if you will come back.
That feeling makes them experience anxiety.
It isn’t until about 2 years that they actually figure out that hey, when mom leaves she isn’t deserting me forever when she leaves the room.
In fact she always comes back.
By then, your toddler will have a better understanding about the way the world works.
This is the beginning of more independence for your kids.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 3 – Talk with your doctor.
About 5% of children may need additional help to overcome anxiety.
Your physician can recommend what to do if a child shows signs of physical distress or if a child over 5 has fears that interfere with going to school or playing with friends.
Parenting Strategies to Help Deal with Separation Anxiety
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 4 – Say goodbye.
You may be tempted to try sneaking away, but trust me, that will usually backfire.
It’s less scary for your child if you make eye contact and say goodbye directly.
There is no terrible surprise for them where they suddenly discover that hey, mom is here one minute and then gone the next!
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 5 – Minimize drama.
The best departures are brief.
If possible, time them for when your child is well rested and fed.
Say your goodbyes, give a kiss or hug and then leave.
No drama required.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 6 – Keep talking.
If you need to move to another room, your baby may feel more secure if they can hear your voice.
Tell them about what you’re doing or sing a favorite song.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 7 – Let your child get acquainted with other caregivers.
If you will be leaving your child in the care of others, make sure to introduce babysitters and other caregivers before leaving them alone with a child.
There is less chance for anxiety if they feel like they are being minded by a familiar friendly face as opposed to a stranger.
Rehearse by going for a walk around the block before you move up to a full evening out.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 8 – Use a comforting object.
Make it a ritual to give your child a stuffed toy or blanket while you’re gone.
They can hold onto it until you return.
I used to love drawing a heart on my toddlers hand so that they could look at it if they missed me and know I loved them.
When we would visit my family, they actually used to take a mini photo album (with about ten photos inside of our family) and keep it in their bag.
I used to worry that this would increase their anxiety if I ever popped out to run an errand but it turns out they never looked at but instead felt reassured that it was there.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 9 – Be open.
If you are going out, try to be open about where and what you are doing.
Tell older children where you’re going and what time you’ll be back.
Then when you return, share details about your night and quiz them on what they got up to while you were away.
This removes any of the guessing for them about what their mom could be up to.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 10 – Offer rewards.
Try to create something to look forward to.
Make sure to share a hug when you return and tell your child how much you missed them.
Stay up a little later and read a book together or maybe even have some ice-cream or a special treat to celebrate being back home.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 11 – Reassure your partner.
Children generally focus on missing the parent they spend the most time with, so the other partner may feel left out if they aren’t the focus of this separation anxiety.
If that’s the case, discuss your feelings and support each other.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 12 – Plan for going back to work.
If you can pull it off, you may want to let your baby’s comfort levels increase before scheduling your return to the office.
Starting out with part time hours can also ease the transition.
Of course this all depends on how flexible your work is or if you even need to work at all during this period.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 13 – Rule out other causes.
The good news is that children will outgrow most of this clinginess and crying eventually on their own.
At the same time, just make sure that you have ruled out any other potential reason for their crying.
It could be a more serious cause like a fever or other illness.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 14 – Expect setbacks.
If your child has experienced a stressful event, this may cause your child to hang on a little tighter than usual.
Be prepared to provide extra comfort if your child will be having surgery or your family is moving to a new house.
SEPARATION ANXIETY IN BABIES AND TODDLERS
TIP # 15 – Recognize your own anxieties.
Surprise, surprise!
Children pick up on their parent’s thoughts.
So if you are calm and cheerful, your child will probably decide that everything is okay.
The reverse is also true – if you are stressed and anxious, chances are they will pick up on this negative energy.
In the end, it’s important to keep in mind that most children quickly get over their tears after you’re out the door.
I know, it’s seems hard to believe when you are leaving them with tears streaming down their cheeks!
But be patient and strong and just know that one day soon parting will be a lot easier for both you and your child.
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.