HELICOPTER PARENTING

 

Helicopter Parenting – Why You Need To Back Off Pronto

 

Are you secretly helicopter parenting? If so, this post shares with you why that parenting approach can spectacularly backfire for you.

 

 

Hey my friend,

Let’s chat about helicopter parenting.

In this post I want to share with you a chapter from my book WHEN BAD PARENTS – GREAT KIDS book, which is the perfect guide for imperfect parents.

 

The blurb for that book is as follows:

 

Many adults today have noted that their parents were less than perfect parents whilst growing up. But did we buckle under this inept parenting?Were we permanently scarred by this experience?

Did we suffer forever due to their fault-filled parenting skills? Ah no. Most of us still believe we turned out to be great kids, more resilient and stronger than ever, despite our blemished childhoods. CONVERSELY there are kids who literally seemed to HAVE IT ALL and still grew up to be total ratbags.

 

– They had more freedom than Madonna would know what to do with.

– They got handed the keys to their first car the day they turned sixteen.

– They lived in the biggest mansions.

– They had the coolest, nicest parents.

– They lived the dream life of every popular kid characterised in all the best teen movies – from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” to “Clueless”.

 

And yet, somewhere along the line SOMETHING WENT WRONG. Not ALL THE TIME of course.

But there are plenty “good” parents, who generously gave their kids the moon and stars, and were later left scratching their heads at the brats they spawned.

 

WHEN BAD PARENTS = GREAT KIDS QUESTIONS THE FOLLOWING HYPOTHESIS:

 

IF: Bad parenting “supposedly” = bad kidsGood parenting “supposedly” = good kidsHow come it sometimes goes the other way?

 

WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS TERRIBLE ISN’T REALLY SO TERRIBLE?

 

What if you can technically still be a good parent, even when society deems some of your parenting behaviors less than desirable?

With over 300 pages, this book is for any parent who has ever wondered if their less-than-perfecting parenting skills may be causing permanent damage to their kids.It is also for any parent who needs to know the truth – that sometimes good-enough parenting is actually more-than-enough.

You can find the book below:

 

 

 

So in this post I want to share with you the 3rd truth bomb chapter which is this:

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

 

GOOD PARENTS:

Think helicopter parenting is a competitive sport

 

BAD PARENTS:

Prefer to give their kids some breathing room

 

Let’s dive on in:

LET’S START WITH THE “GOOD” PARENTS

 

It’s safe to say you have heard of the term “helicopter parenting.”

Helicopter parents are named specifically after helicopters, because they hover overhead, overseeing every aspect of their child’s life constantly.

In their heart of hearts, “good” parents feel like this behavior means that they are watching out for their kids. 

And they are watching over their kids ALL THE TIME. I mean it’s pretty hard for your kids to do anything wrong when you are constantly breathing down their necks, right?

These helicopter parents pride themselves on being able to catch problems before they escalate, interjecting before their kids can get hurt, insulted, fail, get frustrated, or do anything that arises in them a negative emotion.

Of course that sounds like a pretty picture right? After all, these kids are doing no wrong. These kids are being stopped before they get themselves into trouble. These kids are being monitored and watched over every single second of the day.

To me, it also sounds a bit like being a prisoner in a jail right?

 

“BAD” PARENTS ON THE OTHER HAND

 

In case it isn’t obvious, the truth remains that even though helicopter parents are VERY hands-on, this isn’t a parenting style that breeds or encourages independence in your kids. 

In order to understand why the alternative parenting style – giving your kids some breathing room – may be useful, it is important to understand why independence is so vital in life.

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

Let me start by bringing your attention to these three quotes: 

 

1 – It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. Ann Landers

2- Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. Benjamin Franklin

3 – It is the responsibility of every parent to ensure their children are prepared for the adult world and that they throw open the doors at 18 and walk into their lives with confidence and enthusiasm – Vicki Hoefle

 

“Bad” parents know that kids grow best when they are given the breathing room to try things for themselves every now and then. 

“Bad” parents reflect on their own life and realise that the times they learned the most are usually the times they failed and picked themselves up again. 

Or maybe it was the times they had the freedom to try things out for themselves. Or when they had the opportunity to succeed on their own terms without any help or any adult nearby who was quick to take the credit.

 

WHY BEING A “GOOD” PARENT IN THIS EXAMPLE MAY SOMETIMES BACKFIRE 

 

Here’s the truth – the more risks you allow your children to take, the better they will learn how to take care of themselves. Do not think you are doing them any favours by making their life too easy.

If helicopter parenting sounds like a compliment, you thought wrong. This constant attention and stalker-like behaviour stifles a child’s independence and helicopter parents ultimately deprive their children of learning natural consequences for their behavior. 

 

Ask yourself these five questions now to work out if you have a tendency to be a “helicopter parent” yourself.

 

  1. Do you try to fight your child’s battles for them?
  2. Do you make all the decisions for your child?
  3. Are you obsessed with your child’s schedule?
  4. Are you constantly checking in on your child?
  5. Do you try to make their life as easy as possible?

 

Obviously it’s normal to be more watchful of your kids when they are younger but as they get older you will need to loosen your grip. 

Step back and start to give them some freedom. It’s okay if they fall down or make some mistakes – they will only learn how to bounce back by doing it themselves!

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

Consider the following 10 tips and see how you can encourage more independence in children.

 

If your kids are old enough to do it on their own, let them do it on their own.

Don’t worry if it isn’t done perfectly – they are in the process of learning so some mistakes are to be expected.

Stop spoon-feeding your child or telling them what to choose – let them make some of their own decisions.

Stop rescuing them if they don’t need rescuing – at some point they will need to suffer the natural consequences and work out how to save themselves. 

 

Encourage them to solve their own problems. 

 

Give them some more responsibility – this can be with babysitting, household chores, dog walking or even some grocery-shopping if they are teens.

Let them organise their own schedule.

Make sure they are responsible for their own homework and assignments.

Allow them to help with meal planning and cooking. 

Encourage them to find ways to entertain themselves.

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

Just for today I want you to find a way that you can foster more independence in your child. 

 

Peruse the list above and see which ideas you can implement today, according to their respective ages.

 

Want to read more bad parenting myths and truth bombs?

 

You can do so here:

 

 

 

Much love,

Frances Vidakovic 

 

 

 

 

 

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