losing your shit

 

Losing Your Sh#t – Why It’s Okay To Show Your Emotions

 

Are you secretly losing your sh#t all the time? Here’s why showing your emotions as a parent is NOT the worst thing in the world.

 

 

Hey my friend,

Let’s chat about losing your sh#t.

In this post I want to share with you a chapter from my book WHEN BAD PARENTS – GREAT KIDS book, which is the perfect guide for imperfect parents.

 

The blurb for that book is as follows:

 

Many adults today have noted that their parents were less than perfect parents whilst growing up. But did we buckle under this inept parenting?Were we permanently scarred by this experience?

Did we suffer forever due to their fault-filled parenting skills? Ah no. Most of us still believe we turned out to be great kids, more resilient and stronger than ever, despite our blemished childhoods. CONVERSELY there are kids who literally seemed to HAVE IT ALL and still grew up to be total ratbags.

 

– They had more freedom than Madonna would know what to do with.

– They got handed the keys to their first car the day they turned sixteen.

– They lived in the biggest mansions.

– They had the coolest, nicest parents.

– They lived the dream life of every popular kid characterised in all the best teen movies – from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” to “Clueless”.

 

And yet, somewhere along the line SOMETHING WENT WRONG. Not ALL THE TIME of course.

But there are plenty “good” parents, who generously gave their kids the moon and stars, and were later left scratching their heads at the brats they spawned.

 

WHEN BAD PARENTS = GREAT KIDS QUESTIONS THE FOLLOWING HYPOTHESIS:

 

IF: Bad parenting “supposedly” = bad kidsGood parenting “supposedly” = good kidsHow come it sometimes goes the other way?

 

WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS TERRIBLE ISN’T REALLY SO TERRIBLE?

 

What if you can technically still be a good parent, even when society deems some of your parenting behaviors less than desirable?

With over 300 pages, this book is for any parent who has ever wondered if their less-than-perfecting parenting skills may be causing permanent damage to their kids.It is also for any parent who needs to know the truth – that sometimes good-enough parenting is actually more-than-enough.

You can find the book below:

 

 

 

 

So in this post I want to share with you the 5th truth bomb chapter which is this:

 

LOSING YOUR SH#T

 

 

GOOD PARENTS:

Always keep their emotions under control and never lose their sh#t

 

BAD PARENTS:

Sometimes let their emotions overwhelm them

 

LET’S START WITH THE “GOOD” PARENTS

 

What can I say about these parents other than on the outside they seem totally “perfect”….They are the Duchess Kates and Meghans of the world. 

They would never dream of letting a bad word slip from their lips. They are cool, calm and collected in a way that most parents will never be.

 

  • If they are angry, they hold their fury in. 
  • If they are sad, they blink back the tears. 
  • If they are pleased, they contain their excitement. 
  • If they are enraged, you can’t even tell. 

 

They keep their emotions under control and simply never ever lose their sh#t.

It is actually really hard to point a finger at this type of behaviour because by default it is so stoic and admirable.

Yet at the same time this lack of emotion – or rather controlled emotion – gets confused as being heartless. 

They are rational, calm and logical, yes but it comes at the expense of seeming like a detached ice-queen.

Their children too are so controlled and admired from near and afar, but they are as perfect as highly photo-shopped cardboard cut-outs.

 

LOSING YOUR SH#T

“BAD” PARENTS ON THE OTHER HAND

 

“Bad” parents are the complete opposite to “good” parents in this respect. They are usually rich with life and emotion and wear their heart on their sleeve.

If they had a bad night’s sleep, they don’t even try to pretend they have woken up feeling refreshed.

If their kid is annoying them, they don’t look the other way and pretend he or she isn’t eating with their mouth open or picking their nose. They call them out on their bad behavior.

They admit when they are stressed.

They admit when they are overwhelmed.

 

When they FEEL something they acknowledge it, which may seem like a recipe for disaster when it comes to parenting, except for this interesting twist.

 

Because these “bad” parents are so in tune with their emotions (and not embarrassed by it) they acknowledge and accept these same feelings in their kids.

They don’t ever tell their kids “you shouldn’t feel that way.” 

They don’t ever say “why are you getting so worked up about something so silly!”

Instead they say, “Yeah dude, I get it, it sucks, I’ve been there before.”

They say “I understand why you are feeling this way. But trust me, it will get better.” 

They acknowledge a truth – that humans are emotional beings with a predisposition to experience both positive and negative emotions and highs and lows – which “good” parents tend to either hide or control.

 

WHY BEING A “GOOD” PARENT IN THIS EXAMPLE MAY SOMETIMES BACKFIRE 

 

This may seem like a weird quote to reference right now but trust me there’s a point to it. It goes like this:

 

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” ― Gospel of Thomas

 

Or in everyday speak; I like to think of it as:

 

That which you keep locked inside will destroy you.            

That which you set free will save you.

 

Here’s the thing: “good” parents like to make sure that their kids always put their best feet forward. This is sort of cool. I mean, who wouldn’t want a kid who regulated their emotions well and never let things get to them? Most of us would love it.

 

LOSING YOUR SH#T

Now imagine being a kid or teen or young adult again.

 

Imagine you were the only kid not to get invited to a birthday party but you weren’t allowed to speak about your feelings of being left out.

Imagine you weren’t allowed to cry when you got hurt or dumped or failed a test as a teenager.

Imagine you weren’t allowed to scream or vent when someone betrayed you in a callous way. 

Imagine you had to pretend things didn’t matter when really, in the deep recesses of your soul, it did matter – A LOT.

Imagine you had to keep your feelings and emotions locked inside you with nowhere else to go.

 

Let me repeat my version of the quote again:

 

That which you keep locked inside will destroy you.            

That which you set free will save you.

 

Sure “bad” parents often let their emotions overwhelm them but at least they acknowledge their feelings, accept they exist and do their best to deal with them in a constructive way.

And their kids quickly learn too that it is perfectly normal and healthy to FEEL things – yes normal! It isn’t something they need to hide or bury away from the world.  

 

LOSING YOUR SH#T

Some more food for thought:

Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a great influence on a child than the parent. – Bob Keeshan

 

Want to read more bad parenting myths and truth bombs?

 

You can do so here:

 

 

 

Much love,

Frances Vidakovic 

 

 

 

 

  • Before You Go…

     

    – See my EVERYTHING PAGE and grab a free gift > HERE

    – Get instant access to EVERY COURSE I’ve ever created > HERE

    – Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.

    – Or if you’re a biz mom, listen to Life Coach For Biz Moms on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.