ENTITLED KIDS

 

Entitled Children – What Makes Kids Feel So Freaking Entitled?

 

Have you noticed a rise in entitled children in this world? This post shares with you why kids grow up to feel so freaking entitled in life.

 

 

Hey my friend,

Let’s chat about entitled kids…

 

Confession time:

There’s a question I’ve been avoiding answering ever since I was asked it. And the question is this:

 

What makes kids entitled and who is really to blame for them growing up this way?

 

The reason I hesitated answering it for so long was because I suspected people wouldn’t love my opinions on this. Even worse, I myself didn’t love admitting what I thought were the major contributors to this “problem,” especially as I knew it would throw me along with everyone else under the bus.

 

ENTITLED KIDS

But first let’s start with a definition:

 

Entitlement is defined as “the feeling that one is inherently deserving of special privileges or treatment.” It sounds so weirdly confusing..because are we speaking about confident, go-getter kids? Or bratty, cocky kids who believe they’re better than everyone else?

 

All I know is one thing. When I was growing up, in the 70s and 80s, it felt harder to feel entitled back then. We were raised to be seen but never heard. We were often told NO or “you get what you get and you don’t get upset.” 

 

There were no participation prizes. There were no special mentions. There was only one trophy and teachers didn’t think twice about giving it to the same student year after year (not naming names here but it definitely happened in my world).

 

I lived in a time where the idea of believing that you deserved special privilege or treatment didn’t even feel like an option. I mean, what did that even mean? All the kids I knew got the same unfair or neutral treatment.  And if anyone acted all high and mighty, your own friends would’ve instantly kicked you off your pedestal. 

 

We weren’t allowed to question the teachers. Our authority figures were not to be disrespected. There were no parents rushing to school and demanding for our grades to be changed. If we got a color pencil we didn’t like (aka brown), we didn’t complain or tantrum. We sucked it up. In fact we sucked up all the bad stuff and we learned quickly that life often wasn’t fair.  

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

 

Fast forward to today and here I am speaking about kids who walk around this world feeling “entitled.” What has transpired over the last 20 or 30 years that has led to some kids thinking: “I’d be lucky to have that” over to “Gimme that right now! I want it, I’m owed that and I deserve it, no questions asked.” 

 

My intention is NOT to point fingers or blame anyone. Instead I think it’s interesting to explore the catalyst to this change, between then and now. So why are more kids potentially feeling entitled today? What factors have led to this idea that they deserve special treatment? 

 

(Quick sidenote: a) yes, I know this is a broad generalization and that there were surely entitled kids in the past, b) yes, there are plenty of kids who don’t fit this description today.

While a few fit the bill, many don’t. And finally c) I personally don’t think of entitlement as a “you either are or aren’t thing”. Instead I see it as more of a scale and spectrum, where we all (adults included) might feel more or less entitled in different areas of our life and this varies individual to individual.) . 

 

ENTITLED KIDS

So before I dig myself too deep into a hole that’s hard to get out of, I want to share my second confession for today.

 

I think that the term “entitled” gets a bad rap. For the most part we take it as a serious insult. We equate entitlement with bratty, self-righteous  behavior. But if you look at the definition again – inherently believing you deserve special privilege or treatment – there is an element of goodness in that description.

 

I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world for kids to feel entitled to be treated with respect. In fact, I think this is a great goal for parents to have – to raise children who confidently know they deserve to be treated with respect and treated well.

 

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

 

But there’s a fine little line that exists between:

 

A – Raising confident kids who have clear boundaries and don’t stand for disrespectful treatment by their peers VERSUS 

 

B – Raising obnoxious kids who are willing to treat others with disrespect to get what they want because they genuinely believe they’re better than others. 

 

Group A (confident kids) we would be proud of raising them, whereas Group B (obnoxious, bratty kids) would probably make you want to press rewind on your parenting journey and start again.

 

ENTITLED KIDS

So how does a child cross that line from Group A over to Group B?

 

Obviously we want our kids to feel confident and resilient. We don’t want them to allow other people to stomp all over their self-esteem and dreams. Except in order for them to feel as if the world is their oyster they need to FEEL DESERVING. Deserving of good things, deserving of a chance, deserving of opportunities that come their way etc.

 

Now this is where I put up my hand to say that even though I don’t believe my kids feel entitled (that is, they’re both humble and know they can’t always get what they want) they still do undoubtedly have expectations about the treatment they deserve to get in life. And why would that be?

 

Of course it is 100% because of me. Because I’ve given them the impression they deserve to be treated in certain ways. Because I let them believe this is something they are entitled to (there’s that word entitled again).

 

ENTITLED KIDS

Here’s the thing: Kids are impressionable.

 

Most of their expectations about their potential, about their future and how they think they should be treated in life, come from their firsthand life experiences. It’s what they see and what they are often taught to believe is normal and true in life.

 

So come Christmas time, if your kid has woken up every year to a Christmas tree filled with dozens of presents, this is something they come to expect. Just like my sisters and I learned over time to expect one present and only one present every year.

If your kids get multiple gifts on their birthday or “a little surprise” whenever they go to the shops, they come to expect multiple gifts on their birthday or “a little surprise” whenever they go to the shops. Why? Because they get it.

 

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

 

They believe they deserve those things because they’ve asked in the past and life has delivered it to them time and time again. So if some kids are obnoxious with the expectation that they deserve special privileges or treatment? Can you see how it could simply be because they’ve gotten it time and time again?

 

Let’s not throw too much shade though at parents who have given their kids everything or implied via their words and actions that they deserve special treatment.

 

I genuinely believe they did it out of love. They maybe wanted their kids to have the best. Maybe they even wanted them to have the things they missed out on as kids.  

 

Besides, I’m sure we have all in some ways spoiled our kids – with love, with time, with gifts, with our presence, with unrealistic expectations etc.  Yet we often don’t give much thought to the potential negative consequences that can arise from giving so much, even if it’s from the heart.

 

Even if our intentions are good, it can still lead to results we don’t love in the end (namely over-indulged and over-pampered, entitled kids).

 

So if you’re a parent yourself, take a moment to think about your own kids. What do they think they are entitled to in life? Is it lots of time on the iPad or on the PlayStation or watching TV or a new gift every single time they go out to the shops? Is it the privilege of staying up late whenever they want to? Is there a chance you have either inadvertently or intentionally contributed in some way to the expectations they have in life?

 

Do they believe they deserve to speak their truth? Do they believe they deserve to be listened to when speaking (like my kids do)? I know I intentionally nurtured that last expectation – because I actively encouraged it.

 

So maybe – just maybe – if our kids feel entitled to certain things, it’s because we allowed it to happen. And if your kids are indeed a little bratty or obnoxious, take a moment to think about what could have led to them behaving in such a fashion?

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

 

ENTITLED KIDS

Bear in mind the current social climate in the 2020s is vastly different from back in the 70s and 80s.

 

Times have changed. In many ways it’s fantastic how we treat kids with so much more respect. In the past kids were often treated poorly, with many adults turning a blind eye to that behavior (for example: in my younger years at school teachers were still allowed to smack students and did so often).

 

Of course that’s not to say that poor treatment doesn’t still exist today because it does. But we ‘re quicker to condemn that bad behavior in the media nowadays.

 

Now I’m by no means telling you to stop encouraging your kids to believe they deserve all the good things in life.

 

But I want to stress that this encouragement DOES NOT mean you lift up your child at the expense of someone else. You don’t need to stomp on other people’s kids in order to make your own child feel better. You don’t need to tell your child: “Oh, you’re so much better than so and so. You deserve that more than he or she does”.

 

This only leads to kids with overinflated egos who don’t understand that every child is just like them – simply trying to do their best in the world. Let this be a reminder to you that every child in this world has feelings. Every child just wants to be appreciated, loved and understood. 

 

So the goal shouldn’t be to put other kids down in order to lift your own kids up.

 

This sort of behavior definitely contributes to the problem of entitled kids – kids who genuinely believe that they are better than others.

 

Note that there’s a difference between:

 

  • A child who believes everyone deserves special treatment versus 
  • A child who believes they alone deserve special treatment over everyone else 

 

ENTITLED KIDS

Let’s also consider that kids today may feel entitled due to their instant access to so much.

 

If they want to watch a movie, they can do so at the flick of a finger. As opposed to back in the 70s, 80s and early 90s, when we had to wait until the Sunday night movie aired or even longer in most cases.

 

Patience was nurtured in us back then by default because there was no other alternative option. It was impossible for us to have immediate access to things before the advent of technology and the Internet.

 

Today it’s a different story. It’s entirely possible for our kids to get things sooner and they’re aware of this fact. It’s no surprise that they have this expectation and desire for instant gratification when they’ve become accustomed to it. It’s vital that we keep this in mind when we explore the reasons why kids today might feel more entitled to things we never dreamed of having access to as kids.  

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

 

In order to keep my kids grounded today I’ve found it helpful to remind them often that we all deserve to be heard.

 

We all deserve to be listened to. We all deserve to have fabulous things in life, every single one of us. Not just you and me but everyone in the world. I also let them know that everything they want won’t be handed to them on a silver platter.

 

Because if I don’t teach them that guess who will? LIFE WILL and it will often teach us these lessons the hard way. 

 

Here’s the thing: you can make life a little easier for your kids when you share with them these life’s truths.

 

Let them know that we all want some things that we can’t have. THIS IS NORMAL. Let them know we all experience ups and downs and challenges in life. THIS TOO IS NORMAL. We also all experience negative emotions in life because we’re human with an imperfect human brain.

 

ENTITLED KIDS

 

It’s possible to tell your kids these truths AND still shower them with love and compassion.

 

Please know it isn’t necessary to spoil them with material possessions in order for them to feel loved. Your love is enough. There is  so much beauty in raising humble kids, compassionate kids and resilient kids. And how do they become this way? In much the same way that we might raise bratty, entitled kids – by showing them what is possible and leading them down this path with our words and actions.

 

Much love,

Frances Vidakovic 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before You Go…

 

  • Grab your free gift: How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself Guide (4 steps to finally get out of your own way) CLICK HERE
  • Decide which course will suit you best CLICK HERE
  • Listen to my Inspiring Mom Life podcast on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.