How To Deal With Guilt – 7 Ways To Ditch Mom Guilt
Want to ditch mom guilt? Here are 7 great tips for how to deal with guilt as a parent and stop feeling so guilty today.
Let’s chat about how to deal with guilt.
If you are not sure how to deal with guilt, you are in exactly the right place.
Here’s the truth: …. unless you’re a psychopath, chances are you’re going to feel guilty as a mom occasionally.
Or A LOT, like seriously way too often.
Mom guilt is one of those feelings that sneaks up on you by surprise and once it’s inside your mind, it sticks to you and you find it hard to let it go.
It has taken me many years to work out that guilt is just an undesirable feeling that is A CHOICE and you can choose to let it go.
Let me repeat those two things for you: guilt is a CHOICE (what????) and you can CHOOSE to let it go (no way, are you kidding?)
Yes, this is the truth.
For whatever reason your brain has chosen to think thoughts that cast you as a baddie and when you are featured as a baddie in the story you are telling, then it’s no surprise that you feel guilty as a result of it.
This is where I remind you that this story is a choice.
You could choose to think of yourself as the hero in your story, as the smart mom, as the kind mom, as the mom who acts from her heart RATHER than thinking YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
If you are prone to feeling guilty consider using these techniques to help you get over your guilt and move forward with your life:
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 1 – Determine why you feel guilty.
This is a good start.
Be sure you understand exactly why you’re feeling guilty.
What did you do wrong?
Did you really do anything wrong?
Imagine you were supposed to meet your spouse at their work party, but you got a flat tire. Would you feel guilty about that?
I do strongly recommend that you avoid feeling guilty for things outside of your control.
- If you missed the party because you forgot about it, fell asleep on the couch, or lost track of time, you would probably naturally feel some guilt. But that too is okay. You are a human. Humans make mistakes on occasion. Forgive yourself for your transgressions.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 2 – Decide on a response.
The first step out of guilt is to respond appropriately.
This might include an apology if you feel as if you genuinely have something to apologize for.
Maybe a detailed explanation is in order.
Maybe you’ll layout a plan to show the other person that your transgression won’t happen again.
Whatever the case you get to show up in a way that makes you feel good about yourself (rather than bad).
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 3 – Be willing to forgive yourself.
If you have made a mistake, then so be it.
You made a mistake.
You can’t possibly think it would be kind to beat yourself up over it for the rest of your life.
Once you forgive yourself – and the goal is to FORGIVE YOU – chances are your guilt will be gone. Because you know it wasn’t intentionally.
You know you are doing the best you can in life.
Imagine that an error you made took place to you.
You’d probably forgive the other person without too much fuss. If so, grant yourself the same grace and compassion. You should treat yourself at least as well as you would treat other people.
- Did you notice how much easier it is for you to forgive someone else than it is to forgive yourself? Why do we do that to ourselves?
- You should aim to be kinder to yourself and BE A FORGIVING, CARING FRIEND to yourself. Treat yourself like you matter.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 4 – Write a letter.
Another way to stop feeling guilty is to write a letter to yourself, to the person you harmed, or both.
I know, no one writes or sends letters anymore – but that’s what makes them especially meaningful.
It’s also a great way to purge your thoughts and your guilt.
The other person will be impressed, and you’ll feel a lot better.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 5 – Do something positive that will boost your self-esteem.
Volunteering can be great when you’re feeling guilty OR YOU CAN TRY HELPING SOMEONE.
It’s weird right?
That the way to get over loneliness is to be a good friend to someone else and the way to get over guilt is to show love and compassion to someone else.
You can make a donation or help someone with a problem.
Give away some of your stuff or take an action that will allow you to feel good about yourself.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 6 – Make changes instead of feeling guilty.
Rather than feeling guilty, which helps no one, aim to make some changes to ensure the same thing doesn’t happen again in the future.
What changes do you actually want to make?
Do you want to eliminate a bad habit, procrastinate less, or get more organized?
Maybe you need to value others more than you do currently.
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All in all, what are some positive changes you can make that are related to the cause of your guilt?
HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT
TIP # 7 – Move on.
At some point, you have to let it go and get on with your life.
There’s no value in holding on to guilt.
Guilty feelings suggest that you did something wrong and need to learn from it.
Fine, so learn from it and accept that this is a learning experience.
Then, move on.
In a nutshell, everyone has experienced the crappy feeling of guilt.
EVERYONE – it’s part of being a human.
But it’s important to resolve the issue as well as you can, forgive yourself, make amends, and move on.
There’s no value in punishing yourself for an extended period of time. I promise you, you won’t feel better for holding onto guilt.
You made a mistake, so do the best you can to fix it and move on.
That’s the advice you would give to your child so take it yourself.
Now it’s time to set yourself free.
Allow yourself to move forward from your guilt and live a life that is burden-free.
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Before You Go…
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.