Kids Being Kids – 9 Positive Alternatives To Nagging
Want to know when kids being kids and nagging is an issue? Here’s exactly what you need to do instead of nagging which DOESN’T work.
Let’s chat about kids being kids and their constant nagging.
If you’re looking for information on positive alternatives to nagging (that actually work) you have come to the right place.
I have to say – one of my pet hates as both a mom and wife is the annoying act of NAGGING.
I don’t like having to do it and I don’t like getting labelled as a nag, especially since if my kids (and hubby) actually LISTENED the first time round I wouldn’t have the need to repeat myself.
Have you felt my pain before?
If so then you’ve likely discovered that nagging is not only ineffective, it also puts a strain on your relationships.
Thankfully I have some suggestions to help you get what you want the first time round.
9 Simple Alternatives To Nagging Strategies
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
1 – Try counting how many times you actually say the same thing (while getting the same result).
Some of us are totally oblivious to how often we repeat ourselves.
E.g. I might remind my daughter three times to pick up a wet towel from the floor before issuing a consequence when really the consequence should have been issued after the first warning.
If something isn’t working try to find a new approach before you go down the nagging route.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
2 – Figure out which responsibilities or requests are priorities and which you can put aside.
I mean, do you really need to complain about your son being messy with his Lego bricks right now or could you wait until he’s actually finished playing with them?
Do you have to comment on the kitchen being messy right this second or can you wait until after your teen has finished baking the cupcakes and at least attempted to clean up the mess?
You need to learn to pick your battles!
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
3 – Become more flexible in the details of how something is done.
This is a tough one for some parents to get used to but it’s the truth.
Not everyone will do things in the exact same way you do them.
Not everyone will meet your super high standards either (if you have them).
Some people like to fold their clothes in half, other people like to fold it in thirds (yes this is a thing apparently!)
Rather than allowing it to drive you crazy I recommend that you take a deep breath and learn to accept that some flexibility will be required when it comes to completed chores and tasks.
If you ask a teen to help with vacuuming, it may not cross their mind to get down on their hands and knees with the nozzle in the bathroom to make sure all the little bits are really gone (hope I’m not the only one that does this!)
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
4 – Embrace technology.
Yes there are instances where technology can be your friend and not foe (here’s looking at you FB and Instagram wormhole).
You can use brief friendly text messages and automated calendar reminders to deliver the same information to older teens and partners with less risk of putting people on the defensive.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
5 – Let others experience the consequences of their actions
Forgot to put your dirty clothes in the hamper?
Natural consequence is having no clean clothes to wear.
Forgot to do your complete your assignment?
Natural consequence is getting detention or receiving a big fat F grade.
If you don’t allow your family to experience the natural consequences of their actions on their own, they will never ever learn.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
6 – Focus on the positive. Keep your eye on the big picture.
Yes there is always a positive side to every situation.
If you have a loving family, that is a gift.
Appreciate it!
You can always steer them in the right direction that doesn’t require constant nagging on your side.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
7 – It may be faster and more satisfying to complete a task yourself rather than waiting for someone else to do it.
Remember how I said you need to learn how to pick your battles.
There really may be some things that you can do best yourself.
Train your family how to do all the other things well if you can.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
8 – Take a time out. Deal with sensitive subjects when you’re feeling calm and collected.
Take a deep breath and put yourself in a temporary time out if you feel like you need a break.
The time to deal with situations that you know will lead to nagging is when you are feeling cool, calm and collected.
KIDS BEING KIDS AND NAGGING
9 – Consider paying professionals for chores that cause ongoing conflicts
I ended up doing this – outsourcing a cleaner and honestly I feel like it was the best money I have ever spent in my life!
I don’t have to worry about nagging others to help me anymore nor do I have to feel filled with resentment and anger when I know it will all look perfectly clean after the cleaners are done with it.
More Advanced Strategies And Alternative To Nagging
ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
1 – Ask for what you want directly
Be specific. What do you need help with?
ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
2 – Practice attentive listening. It’s easier for teens to cooperate when we feel validated and cared for.
Do your kids feel loved and cared for or are you always fuming at them?
Do they sincerely care about what you are asking for help with or are they purposefully sabotaging their tasks because deep down they don’t WANT to help you?
If you practice attentive listening, there is an increased chance they will listen to you in return.
ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
3 – Address the root issues
Rather than closing yourself off to their words, ask your family what is getting in their way of listening to you.
Do they not understand your requests?
Do they know how important this is for you?
Do they see and feel your frustration?
What do they need help with to get this issue nipped in the bud?
ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
4 – Nurture your self-esteem. Feeling strong and secure makes you less vulnerable to finding faults in others.
It all comes down to coming from a strong and secure position and knowing your worth.
When you feel defensive and always under attack, you are naturally more inclined to find fault in others.
Resist the temptation!
A person who nags is also a person who feels slightly out of control (am I right?)
Try a different approach or any of the tips included in this post.
Your goal is ideally to come up with a more positive alternative to nagging so you can ditch having to constantly repeat yourself in a whiny voice FOREVER (and wouldn’t that be an absolutely great thing, right?)
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.