Difficult Teenagers – How To Deal With Teens W/O Going Crazy
Dealing with difficult teenagers? It’s okay. Let me show you how to cope with teenagers without going crazy.
Hey my friend,
Let’s chat about difficult teenagers.
Naturally, as parents, we love our children and want them to be happy.
However, once they become teenagers, things seem to change.
Suddenly, the happy, carefree days of childhood turn into one moody day after another.
Teenagers are notoriously moody but lots of teens often also feel confused, frustrated, and miserable.
These teenage mood swings might lead them to behaviors that are difficult to manage, such as:
Slamming doors
Refusing to cooperate even when asked politely
Shouting insults
Engaging in mockery
Screaming
Crying
Claiming to be misunderstood
Difficult Teenagers Advice
Here’s the thing…even though your teen’s moods may cause you to be uncomfortable, it’s important to accept that what they feel most of the time has very little to do with you.
This might seem scary at first – to acknowledge that you are totally powerless over your teen’s emotions, but that’s pretty much the nature of the beast.
But at the same time it is a gift to know this.
Their moods have nothing to do with you personally. Sure, you may aggravate their mood but inside they are dealing with a pot luck mix of emotions.
So, what can you do to make the situation more pleasant?
How can you recreate the bond you once enjoyed?
Difficult Teenagers Advice
Even though it might not seem like it, chances are that your teen wants to connect with you too.
Deep down that is what they really need. They may not say it out loud but it is true nonetheless.
Yet with all the hormones racing through their body, it’s often hard for them to ask for what they need or want.
So how do you break through this barrier?
How do you give them the love and acceptance that they need without getting caught in the line of fire?
RELATED POST – 20 Ways Not To Be So Reactive
Here are 4 daily actions to take to open your mind and heart in order to best support to your teen:
Difficult Teenagers Advice
1 – Remember your role.
Moms and dads have the tendency to either behave like their kid’s boss or to try to become their best friend.
Neither of these extremes serve as a good foundation for the development of teenagers.
As a parent, your task is to provide moral mentorship to your children.
This means that you are their mentor, their role model, someone they can learn from.
Be compassionate, yet consistent and firm in terms of responsibilities and boundaries.
Set a good example and most importantly – practice what you preach.
Difficult Teenagers Advice
2 – Talk less, listen more.
Nurturing a healthy emotional space with our teens requires active listening.
If you aren’t the best listener, this is a habit that takes time and practice to master.
But please make the effort to do so. When you slow down and allow yourself to listen to your teen, you create a sense of safety, acknowledging your teen’s feelings and experience.
By listening to your teen daily you send a psychological message that says: “you are important”.
Your teen needs to know he or she is important to you!
They really do need to feel “heard” and as if they matter.
Listening is the best way to help your child deal with feelings of being misunderstood and abandoned.
Difficult Teenagers Advice
3 – Provide privacy.
Chances are that your teen is engaging in a lot of activities that they want to keep private from you.
That is not to say those activities are shameful, wrong, or illegal, but because your child is beginning to develop the need for independence.
They need you to trust that they can handle some parts of their life on their own.
Privacy and trust are closely connected in your teen’s world.
This is why it’s crucial to know when and how to respect their need for time alone, secrets, or mysterious moods.
Yes they now desire privacy just as much as you desire privacy! Maybe they didn’t care about it when they were younger.
In fact they probably clinged to your side and invaded YOUR privacy all the time (toddlers are notorious for wanting their moms at the exact moment they sit down on the toilet seat!).
But they aren’t toddlers anymore. They aren’t preschoolers or little kids anymore either.
They are now instead not many years away from officially becoming an ADULT.
Difficult Teenagers Advice
4 – Communicate clearly.
Communication holds the key to a good parent-teen relationship.
When your teen knows what your values, principles, rules, and expectations are, there is a greater chance for a healthy connection to form between you both.
Conversely, having to guess what the rules are opens the door for conflict and confusion (they shouldn’t need to guess what your values or expectations are!).
When you communicate with your teen, be aware of your intention behind the verbal message you’re sending.
Make sure to check to see and if your teen understood that message – are you both on the same page?
If you do this regularly, you will finally begin to establish a sense of mutual understanding and closeness.
Step by step, day by day, you need to be consistent and intentional with your daily interactions to enjoy a stronger, more healthy relationship with your teen.
Trust me; whatever has been lost can always be re-found.
I wish you the best of luck and patient during these more turbulent years.
Difficult Teenagers Advice
In the meantime here are some of my favorite quotes on how to deal with teenagers:
No matter how good you are, at some point your kids are gonna have to create their own independence and think that Mom and Dad aren’t cool, just to establish themselves. That’s what adolescence is about. They’re gonna go through that no matter what.”
Eddie Vedder
“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.”
Virginia Satir
“Embrace your beautiful mess of a life with your child. No matter how hard it gets, do not disengage… Do something—anything—to connect with and guide your child today. Parenting is an adventure of the greatest significance. It is your legacy.”
– Andy Kerckhoff
Much love,
Frances Vidakovic xx
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.