Relationship With Parents – Heal And Set Yourself Free
What’s your relationship with parents like? If you have a delicate or trouble relationship with your parents here is how to final heal and set yourself free.
Let’s chat about your relationship with your parents.
Do you ever feel like your childhood could have been better? Join the club (it’s got a large membership already!).
Even those with an average upbringing often feel like our parents did a pretty crappy job at times. But this is a totally normal feeling to have!
Unfortunately, no one taught your parents how to do it well, unless they happened to have good parents themselves.
Your parents were instead doing the best they could with the tools and resources they had at their disposal.
That is the truth (even if it means they had pretty crappy tools and resources at their disposal).
If you are still harboring and carrying around some pain from your childhood, please know that this is a potential barrier to happiness and success.
You are definitely not the only person in the world holding onto negative feelings toward your parents, but you’re not condemned to live a life burdened by resentment and anger either.
You always have a choice you can make.
You can let it go and move on instead.
My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me. Steve Maraboli
Some of the best lessons we ever learn are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom and success of the future. Dale Turner
Just because the past taps you on the shoulders, doesn’t mean you have to look back.
It’s okay to look back at your past. Just don’t stare. Benjamin Dover
In order to set yourself free by healing your relationship with your parents, try these strategies:
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 1 – Be concerned with the here and now.
Maybe your mom didn’t have a clue how to deal with teenagers, but she’s proven to be an excellent friend in adulthood.
Or maybe your dad wasn’t around much when you were a kid but he’s making a real effort to connect with you today.
It’s necessary to redefine relationships over time.
The relationship with your parents is no different. Focus on your relationship TODAY.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 2 – Use your childhood as a guide of what not to do.
The great thing about having bad parents is that it’s a learning experience.
You learn what you want to avoid doing yourself as a parent.
You discover that you can do so much better with your children with a bit of conscious effort.
Keep the good stuff and get rid of the bad.
Take comfort in the fact that your suffering has led to you becoming a better parent for your own kids.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 3 – Realize they did the best they could.
Given your parents’ upbringing, knowledge of child-rearing, personality, and so on, they sincerely did they best they could, even if it wasn’t fabulous in your eyes.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 4 – Don’t expect to gain any satisfaction by venting your anger.
It’s likely that your parents might be dumbfounded by your criticism if you decide to speak up today.
After all, they may sincerely think they did things the right way or simply the best they could, given their current circumstances.
Even if they acknowledge that they would have done things differently, it’s impossible for them to step back in time and change anything anyway.
You’re likely to create an awkward situation going forward.
Why destroy the present to deal with the past?
Why constantly rehash the past if we can looking towards the future?
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 5 – Your parents’ parenting flaws are the result of their own parents.
Bad parents often had bad parents.
So who is really to blame here?
I mean, how far back can you go?
Just be glad that you can put an end to the madness.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 6 – Avoid blaming your current circumstances on your parents.
Sure they may have been awful parents, but that doesn’t mean you can use this as an excuse for your own challenges today.
The past is over and no longer has to influence your life.
Guess what?
YOU GET TO CHOOSE HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR PAST.
You can see it as a blessing in disguise that simply made you stronger or you can see yourself as a victim, who flat out refuses to move on.
If you still continue to believe that your parents are to blame for all your problems, your ability to change your situation for the better will be limited.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 7 – Assume the best of intentions.
For your own sake, it may be helpful to believe that your parents were simply doing their best, but made some bad choices along the way.
Remember that no one is taught the right way to parent.
Most previous generations simply mimicked the behavior of their own parents who mimicked the behavior of their own parents and so on..
There’s a human tendency to believe that our own intentions are pure, while those of others are evil.
But here’s the thing.
Humans are more similar to each other than they are different.
Have you ever made a mistake yourself?
Have you ever wished you could change your behavior? Same truth applies to your parents.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS
TIP # 8 – Realize that you’re only hurting yourself.
The reality is your past is over.
Your parents don’t even remember 90% of the negative childhood experiences that are seared into your brain.
Let me repeat that for you.
All those slights that you carry around with you aren’t even remembered by your parents.
In the end, you can only heal yourself by letting it go of everything that is weighing you down and moving on.
You’re not doing your parents a favor by forgiving.
You’re doing YOURSELF a favor.
Yes it’s natural to have a desire to punish those that you feel have harmed you.
However, you’re only hurting yourself by carrying a grudge toward your parents and refuse to put it down.
Take a deep breath and let it go my friend.
Free yourself of this burden you have been carrying around for way too long.
Leave the past in the past and instead focus on today.
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it. Rick Warren
The past should be a springboard, not a hammock. Ivern Ball
No matter what happened to you in your past, you are not your past, you are the resources and the capabilities you glean from it. And that is the basis for all change. Jordan Belfort
Your past doesn’t define who you are. It just gives you the starting point for who you’re going to be. Agent Carolina
Your past is important, but it is not nearly as important to your present as the way you see your future. Tony Campolo
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action. I help women achieve their goals and follow through on what matters, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.