Listening To Children – 12 Ways To Listen AND Hear Your Kids
Do you have trouble listening to children? Here are 12 ways to not just listen but actually hear what your kids have to say.
Let’s chat about listening to children.
Here’s an interesting thought – If you want your children to listen to you, it’s actually important to listen to them too.
Surprised by this suggestion?
Well it really isn’t as crazy as it sounds…
A recent study found that having at least one caring parent was the most important factor in helping kids to build resilience and succeed in school.
We speak so often about the important of getting our children to LISTEN TO US that we often fail to consider the importance of actually listening to our kids too.
Did you know that children were six times more likely to overcome challenges and complete their homework if they had a parent who listened to them, according to a study published in the journal Pediatrics?
While parents had the greatest influence, other research shows that the presence of any caring adult can increase positive outcomes too.
When your children desire to talk to you and share their problems with you, stop everything and listen to them.
There is nothing more important than that.
If you want to help your kids or children in general, work on your listening skills.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
Try these tips for listening to your child.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. Kahlil Gibran
Your children can be around you all day, but if you don’t spend quality time with them and you don’t pay attention to them and talk to them and listen to them, it doesn’t matter that they’re just around you. Brandy Norwood
Tips for Preparing to Talk with Your Child
You may have to lay some groundwork if you want your child to talk with you more.
Be warned – sometimes this is easier said than done!
Here’s exactly how to create an environment that encourages heartfelt talks:
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 1 – Spend time together.
Your child will be more likely to come to you with sensitive issues if you nurture a close connection.
Block out time each day for family meals and sharing fun activities.
Do household chores together and read stories before bedtime.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 2 – Tune out distractions.
Give your child your full attention when they need to talk.
Put away your phone and stop thinking about the office and mortgage payments.
We complain about our children always being distracted.
The same rule applies to you too – PAY ATTENTION!
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 3 – Work on timing.
Successful conversations sometimes depend on the setting.
Let your child know that you’ll be available later if they need time to compose themselves or think a situation through.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 4 – Calm down.
Similarly, you may need to cool off. It’s easy to say things in anger that you’ll regret later.
Taking a walk around the block could prevent you from making a harsh comment that could stick with your child for years.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 5 – Think positive.
Let your child know that you notice the things they do well in addition to the times they mess up.
Talk more about making friends and learning and less about grades and unmade beds.
Talk to your child, ask them questions, pay attention to changes in their behavior or types of friends they run around with. This can be a really important endeavor in keeping our children safe. Vickie Horton
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Charles R. Swindoll
By nature people are learning animals. Birds fly, fish swim, humans think and learn.
Therefore we do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing or bullying.
We do not need to keep picking away at their mind to make sure they are learning.
What we need to do – and all we need to do – is to give our children as much help and guidance as they need and ask for, listen respectfully when they feel like talking and then get out of the way.
We can trust them to do the rest. John Holt
Tips for Listening to Your Child
Anyone can strengthen their attentive listening skills.
Those same skills are likely to help you with other relationships too.
Use these strategies to better improve your listening skills:
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 6 – Focus on interaction.
Dialogue moves in two directions. Listening is a two-way street.
Ensure that you listen at least as much as you speak.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 7 – Let go of judgements.
Show your child that you love and accept them just as they are.
You can validate their experiences even when you disagree with their choices.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 8 – Drop your agenda.
Encourage your child to develop their own perspective and solve their own dilemmas.
Resist the urge to do the work for them.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 9 – Address underlying issues.
There’s often more to a conversation than what appears on the surface.
If you think your child is overreacting or developing unhealthy patterns, you may need to dig deeper or consider family counseling.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 10 – Watch your body language.
A great deal of communications is non-verbal.
Use your facial expressions and gestures to show your child that you’re interested and supportive.
Make eye contact and keep your body relaxed and open.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 11 – Discuss feelings.
Even adults often struggle to identify and share their feelings.
The more you work on your own emotional intelligence, the more you can be a role model for understanding and expressing feelings.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
TIP # 12 – Keep practicing.
You may find that active listening seems unnatural or complicated at first.
However, your abilities will grow over time, and your family life will be enriched just by making the effort.
All in all, it is important to help your child to develop healthy self-esteem and communication skills by listening to what they have to say.
If you make this a priority, not only will your relationship with your child benefit but they too will increase their chances of a brighter future.
Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been the big stuff. Catherine M. Wallace
If your children want to alter society, listen to their reasons and the idealism behind them. Don’t crush them with some clever remark straight away. Prince Charles
History will judge us by the difference we make in the everyday lives of children. Nelson Mandela
Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then give them the autonomy to make their own decision. Denis Waitley
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I’m Frances Vidakovic – a mindset & action coach for quietly ambitious women who want to stop overthinking and finally take aligned action on their goals. Wake up, do what matters, and savour it all, without sacrificing their sanity or soul.